I don't get it. I really just don't get it. Why is it that some girls can just walk into a room and all the guys grovel at her feet and when another girl comes along they don't give her a second thought? Suzanne and I love our guy friends. I would seriously do anything for them. When they were at the football game yesterday, we put Hershey kisses on their pillows. Because we felt like it, because we like their reactions. And we just randomly bake them cookies. And we hang out, and we make them laugh, and they make us laugh. It's not like I'm down there trying to get all of them to like me or something. But just knowing that people want me around, that I made someone's day just a little more enjoyable, that people miss me when I'm not there, that makes me feel good. All me and Suzanne want is to be appreciated as friends because I sure as hell appreciate them. And not to be conceited or anything, but we're not bad looking either. When I'm with those guys, I'm truly myself. I don't need to put on an act or hide things, I can just be open and natural. These are the guys I trust the most, the ones I'd date if it came down to it. I'm not looking for it, but if you're friends with members of the opposite sex it's inevitable that you begin to think like that.

So anyway, I'm friends with this girl and her boyfriend, and I bring them to hang out with us. And wouldn't you know, all the guys thinks she's SO HOT. And I don't fucking understand it! First of all, she's not great looking. She's pretty, but it's not like friggen Angelina Jolie walked into the room or anything. She looks normal. OK, so maybe they like her personality. But then her personality is nothing special either. Me and Suzanne definitely match her in those areas, plus she has a boyfriend, and we're single, and I don't get it. The other night all the guys were talking about how they were gonna hit on her or something like that, like they actually consulted each other about it like it was some business meeting or something, meanwhile, us two girls are RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM and single and we do shit for them all the time without asking for anything in return and we always do stuff together and talk and have shit in common and all the other stuff you'd think guys would want in a girl but no, instead they are flabbergasted by some girl who already has a boyfriend AND is nothing special. What? So maybe I am being territorial and bitchy like most girls are but I can't help it. There's been so many times when I have been fake in front of guys and it didn't work. And now I am completely myself and that's not good enough either. I just want them to be like, I like having you around, Amanda. You're funny. You're cool. Maybe a compliment here and there. Maybe that's asking too much. Maybe guys don't see the need for that. So why are they so fucking enamored with this one chick who is average in every way? What does she do that I am missing? Maybe I should spend time away from them, but I really love being with them because they're funny and amusing. But it just feels like no matter what, I'll never be good enough for anyone, and there will always be some girl who just waltzes into a room and suddenly time stops and all that other shit. God dammit.