There was a poem we used to read in English about the fate of a dream one never pursued. There is a nagging inside me now that tells me I should be pursuing mine.

When I was in high school I was in drama and I loved it. Acting was probably the single best endeavor in which I involved myself. Through it I overcame my fear of speaking in public, of standing in front of a crowd who was waiting to hear my every word. I could transform myself into a plethora of characters. There was always more than one way to deliver a line, always a magical feeling when a scene had chemisty. But when I went to college I abandoned the idea of acting completely. It was something stupid I had used to fill my time, it could not be a part of my life now. Now it was all about school, classes, meeting new people, going to parties. I couldn't let that little corner of my life follow me into my twenties. It's not as though I was ashamed, I just can't be bothered with things that don't make money or have any realistic benefit. This philosophy held water last year, when college was fresh and I had so much to learn, but now I miss those days when I went home with a script and temporarily transformed myself. I want to act so much, I want to get into it again, but at what point do I draw the line? Do I go ahead with a silly dream, or do I put my foot down and say, that was then, this is now, and dismiss it completely? There are many satisfying aspects of my life, but that world was just so enchanted, the world of acting. It was a universe unto itself that not everyone would dare to enter. I remember when I was sixteen and learning the lines for my very first play. I worked so hard to get it perfect, and on opening night I was so nervous I thought my chest would explode. But I went out there and the second I stepped foot on the stage I relaxed and everything flowed from me like a swiftly moving river. It was such a feeling, such an excitement, I loved every second of it. I loved knowing that everyone was watching, I loved the attention, I loved the sense of accomplishment. I just want it all back again, but I'm afraid to take risks because I am in a comfortable position right now. I'm happy but not enthralled. Content but not elated. Something is missing, something tiny which tugs on the egdes of my soul every now and then, usually when I'm sitting at the computer, bored, or at night when I cannot sleep. I'm scared that after a year of not acting at all I won't remember it, I'll be some stupid lost little kid in a nineteen year old's body trying to sputter out a monologue on stage. I don't know. Sometimes I wish I could see into the future, but I guess then things wouldn't be so fun.