Picture it: New Jersey, 2007. I'm a cashier performing my duties on the express register when a middle aged man places the items he intends to purchase on my conveyor belt, one being a package of toilet paper. He hands me a coupon for the latter, it fails to scan, and I inform him that it is because he is required to buy two packages of toilet paper in order to receive the discount. He argues by saying that since the toilet paper is of the double roll variety it should count as two packages, therefore making the coupon valid. I politely reassure him that indeed he did have to buy two packages and my manager confirms this finding. The man replies, "I'm going to fight this. That's why you can do the coupons by hand." At this point I throw rational thinking out the window. Keeping in mind that I am quitting in less than a week I let my unbridled emotions surge to the forefront.

"NO, YOU WON'T GET THE COUPON BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T BUY WHAT YOU NEEDED TO."

I said it just like that, in a caps-lock tone of voice. No "sir," No "I'm sorry," no pansy walk-in-the-park crap. It shut the decrepit bag right up. He took his change and silently made his way for the door, shamed by the infinite wisdom of a sassy college student. I was in a good mood for the rest of the day and I still am. Nobody talks to me about toilet paper like that.