I once held the notion that in order to attract a guy I would need to become more of a challenge because I was convinced that men were attracted to stoic, icy females who stepped ruthlessly over their emotions by way of unreturned phone calls and shameless, yet nonetheless innocent, flirting. This quest to become mysterious did not prove easy to someone who was used to being loud, interrupting conversations and subject to bouts of road rage. Men don't like girls like me, I told myself. They like gentle, passive creatures with a knack for cooking, a love of children and an instinctual motherly warmth, and I embodied every trait so unlike the stereotypical female. I found the birth of my new personality so hard to handle. Instead of inspiring boys to pursue me I turned them away with my quick answers and insensitivity. I was cold, not sly; harsh, not sleek; I was an undeniable bitch with no bursts of uproarious laughter to cancel out my frigidity because, in my eyes, my laughter sounded like that of a man. Who was I? A mindless issue of Cosmopolitan trying to feign an interest in highlights, shoes and small dogs? I was a girl gone all wrong; I was nothing because I had tried to be everything.

So I stopped lying to myself and consequently to everyone else. I no longer stored my emotions in neat little boxes within my head. I cursed, I laughed, I even snorted sometimes. I admitted to myself that I would never pull off that coy model approach and I gave up taking advice from women's magazines touting fab abs in only three days. I let my hair live its life in large curly form; I let myself give the finger when someone cut me off on the highway. I'm just not a sweet, innocent person and I'm not sorry about it. I no longer believe in keeping crushes a secret or ignoring a phone call just to make someone think I'm busier than I really am. This entire posting is dripping with feminist fundamentalism and I'm not that either; frankly I'm just tired of people asking me why I don't straighten my hair. Because I like my hair. And I like being short. And I don't care if being decisive and strong willed makes me a bitch, and I don't care if I am a tomboy and I don't care if my Dolce and Gabbana purse is a knock off or that I only buy clothes from the sale section. And it doesn't bother me that I don't want to get married and have kids, nor should it bother anyone else because there is more to life than comforting a crying baby and there's already enough unwanted children in the world without a bored couple feeling obligated to reproduce. And I don't aspire to be a school teacher, nurse or fashion designer and I don't like romantic comedies and I think all girls should stop making out with other girls when they are drunk merely to get attention from guys because IT'S STUPID and you are giving the rest of us who want to be recognized for our achievements, not our bra size, a bad name. Thank you and good night.