When I think of an epidemic I imagine people dying in the streets from the black plague hundreds of years ago. I envision polio and tuberculosis, iron lungs and face masks. I don't think of cheeseburgers and apple pie.

Why are Americans so fat? Because we're lazy, arrogant slobs who expect the government to intervene with our lives and come up with some magical pill to shed dozens of pounds off our doughy frames so that we don't have to be bothered with exercise and eating healthy. When I went to Amsterdam I saw just as many fast food joints and restaurants as one would see in America but oddly enough I couldn't find ONE fat person. Really. The only overweight people were tourists. Maybe it's because the natives rode bikes and walked everywhere, or maybe it was because they simply just don't eat the amount of food we do. One thing is for sure: America is one of the only countries facing an obesity "epidemic" and frankly I am tired of people whining and moaning about being treated differently because they are four hundred pounds. Medical conditions aside, there is no reason to be obese. None. If you wear a mumu and waddle around it's because you're lazy and have no willpower and it's no one's fault but your own. People need to be told this. They need to stop being babied and being fed the lie that it's genetic. Give me a freaking break. While some people are naturally bigger than others you can't sit there and claim you eat ten pounds of lard a day because your genes make you do it.

Fat people really bother me. They're always whizzing around on their scooters and using handicapped parking spaces. One time a particularly large man came into the grocery store and complained about how hot it was even though the air conditioning system simulates arctic temperatures. I recently learned that the school system in my hometown is banning all soda and candy vending machines as well as taking out all unhealthy items from their menu. What's the matter, your kids are too fat? Here's an idea: stop buying them video games and get them a bike. I've seen my share of fat grubby children at the grocery store, and more than not you can see the root of their problems as you scan their parents' order. Packaged, artificial everything. Soda. Candy. Chips. Sometimes it becomes too unbearable to even look at. One fellow associate of mine had to be at least three hundred pounds. She was the kind of person who would drop comments like "Man, I'm so fat!" and you wouldn't be able to reassure her otherwise because damn, she really was fat. The reason was clear. When going out to pick up two pizza pies for dinner one night, I noticed that one was to be shared by three or four people while the other pie was solely hers. Is it necessary to eat an entire pizza? No.

The reason why so many people are fat is because our lifestyle encourages the intake of as much food as possible while exerting as little energy as we can. Losing weight means going hungry a few nights. It means breaking a sweat at the gym or not getting your nails done one day so you have time to walk around the block. If obesity really was an epidemic I would think that more people around the world would be feeling its effects. Strangely we are the only ones burdened by an overabundance of food. I once heard a story of an overweight man who vacationed in Japan. People came up to him and touched his stomach because they had never seen such a sight. Obesity is not an illness. Get over it.