For quite some time now I've grappled with the meaning of such phrases like "girl next door" and "down to earth." Who the hell even came up with these trite references to desirable attributes possessed by the opposite sex? What exactly does it mean when you say someone is the girl next door? "I'd like to find someone similar to the female who resided in the structure adjacent to mine." These cute little cliches are tossed around daily, usually by hormonal women who enjoy romantic comedies and margarine. I've never understood what it meant to be down to earth, as if there were another location you could possibly be. Another peeve of mine is when guys describe themselves as being a hopeless romantic. Translation: I'm sappy, lame, I cry, I use a lot of hair gel and I read poems. If any guy ever told me he was a hopeless romantic I would punch him in his soft exfoliated face. Women want real men, not a bunch of whimpering lackeys running around making sure our porridge is neither too hot or too cold. People also need to recover from their addiction to finding the "dream guy" or "dream girl." The reason why you dream about this sort of person is because they do not actually exist. Real people have flaws and strengths and weaknesses and likes and dislikes and opinions. Women are not just a pair of dirty pillows on a poster and guys are often times not the chiseled contemplative type portrayed in Calvin Klein ads. If people acquired more realistic expectations of love and romance the divorce rate would decrease dramatically. Just because it's the 21st century and women are out there making a living for themselves doesn't mean they have to turn into feminist I-don't-need-a-man powerhouses who only have times for manicures and cocktails. I don't want to be a housewife, but I also don't want to become a lonely old broad who chose a career over everything else. There must be a happy medium between the two, and if people dropped the stupid phrases and realized life doesn't take place on the set of Friends we'd all be better off. Woo!