Today I watched Dr. 90210, a show which documents the professional and personal life of a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon. One woman featured on the program was a young, attractive blonde in helicopter school--she wanted to show the world that flying planes isn't just for men. She said that when she told people was in helicopter school they just assumed she was a flight attendant. I thought it was interesting that she was engaged in "man's work"--I'm all about that gender equality business. But in the very next sentence, she went on to say that she wanted bigger boobs so she could feel confident about herself. After all, it's really difficult to feel confident in a bikini without having your jugs spilling out. So she wants to break the stereotype that only men can be pilots, but only if she has a pair of double D's. So really, the only way women can be successful is if they spends thousands of dollars shoving silicone underneath their skin.

I would like to take this time to point out that having small breasts comes with many advantages. First of all, small breasts do no require ample support like their larger counterparts. This makes exercising and going down a set of stairs relatively pain-free. And, if wardrobe requires, one can remain braless for a night out on the town. Small ones also will continue to defy gravity for many years, thus eliminating the need for breast lifts and Wonder bras. A small-breasted person worries not about fitting into cute bikini tops or busting out of dresses, and one can wear a low cut top without resembling a hooker. In fact, it's safe to say that large breasts are overrated, because despite mens' repeated hoots and hollers over large breasts, they seem to like small ones just the same. No matter what the size, breasts perform their intended purpose without malfunction, and the thought of mangling these delicate creatures by way of plastic surgery is cruel and unusual. Breasts should be left alone even if they are small; they should be cherished and decorated with lacy bras and embroidered tops. Small-breasted girls never have to worry about an aging trucker peering down her shirt, nor must she concern herself with stretch marks and cleavage sweat. A woman is still a woman even if her breasts are small.