Words cannot describe what I am going through right now. I find myself in a very numbed state of existence.

Am I really putting this foot forward?
Am I really opening this door?
Am I really listening to my professor?
Am I really sitting on my couch watching "comfort movies?"
Am I really falling asleep?

Breathe damnit. I have to remind myself to breathe.

It's just really sad knowing that a big part of my life is over. And that I wasn't able to pull myself out of whatever funk I was going through and make it work.

Time will heal all wounds. Living through the death of my father taught me that. Speaking of, I would give anything to hear his advice right now. I spoke with Luke last night, and he REALLY reminded me of my dad. It's almost as if Luke was channeling dad and speaking through him.

Right now I'm uncomfortably numb. And I get choked up doing the smallest, little thing. It's an all too familiar sinking feeling. It's the same feeling I had when my parents got divorced. It's the same feeling I had on all those Mondays after spending the weekend with which ever parent had custody *that* weekend. It's the same feeling that I had right before shipping to boot camp. It's the same feeling I had on January 28th through...whenever

My only hope now is to just immerse myself into my studies, my friends, and my family.

:-|