I once knew a girl who ate nothing but fruit. She'd eat grapefruits for breakfast, grapes for lunch, and raisins for dinner. And to quench her thirst, she'd drink nothing but fruit juice and wine. Her name was Chiquita Banana Tarkanian and she weighed 54.33045 pounds.

When we'd worry about her, she'd have a package of bologna in her fridge that she'd pull out and show everyone in the nearby vicinity. We'd watch her eat, and eat, and eat, and eat, but it turns out all she was really doing was stuffing the bologna into her cheeks like a carnivorous chipmunk. Much to our dismay, there was no swallowing action happening. But ignorance being a blissful endeavor, we'd leave satisfied that she's at least getting her daily requirement of processed meat. When she was sure that we were gone, she'd spit out the bologna into a Daisy cup.

Sometimes she'd look skeletal, but other times she looked organy. You could trace the outlines of her intestines all the way down to her stomach, because the thin layer of skin covering her body was being stretched and pulled across her tiny frame. It looked as if her chest would rupture open every time her heart beat. And beat it did. And beat and beat and beat! You could set your watch to it, you could. "How long does it take to get to Upshaw district? Why, about 1002 Chiquita Banana heartbeats."

You'd never guess it, but Chiquita Banana Tarkanian is the proud mother of 3 little Chiquita Banana children. Each one more jaundiced than the next. It was concerning to us that they all looked like they had jaundice. But momma Chiquita would laugh it off and say that they were "just my little bananas." It didn't help either that her petite frame couldn't quite squeeze out all three kids without complications, so each of the kids ended up with little banana shaped heads. Their banana shaped heads proved to be quite marketable though, when during the 1980's, a popular fast food chain had a widely popular ad campaign that employed the use of a crooning Waxing Crescent moon. When the marketing company behind "The Moon Man" decided that they wanted little background singers, they immediately began searching high and low for anyone that could fit the bill. The only requirement being that they have moon shaped heads. And the Chiquitas came to the call.

It wasn't long before it came to light that the styrofoam used for the moon shaped head contained a poisonous level of zinc and lead, which killed the poor Waxing Crescent crooning moon man after a long fight with cancer of the face. It was quite tragic for all involved; especially the Chiquita Banana kids, who were just about to hit the mainstream.

But momma Chiquita was happy to have her kids back where they belonged, at home in her bundle. And at home is where the chidren grew and ripened into fine, banana shaped head adults.

:-)