I'm getting kind of sick of the Democrats *NOT* knowing how to win. So many news people and people that I know are getting all scared that Kerry and the Democrats aren't going to be able to get back out into the game. I can't say I blame them since the Democrats haven't exactly given them reason to stand up and cheer in the previous few elections. They need to start realizing how to pull these victories out. So I'm giving them some free advice via some classic Gangster films. Maybe Brian DePalma and Martin Scorsese need to run John Kerry's campaign instead.

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"How to Counter a Republican Attack Ad." Paricularly one that washes over the current administration's poor record on so many issues.

source: can be learned from Sean Connery's Jim Malone in "The Untouchables"

"You wanna know how you do it? Here's how, they pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue! That's the Chicago way, and that's how you get Capone! Now do you want to do that? Are you ready to do that?"

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"How to Counter the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth Ads" when *their* candidate didn't even show up for one full year of National Guard Service.

source: can be learned from Sean Connery's Jim Malone from "The Untouchables"

"Isn't that just like a wop? Brings a knife to a gun fight."

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"How to Appear to be More Human When Everyone Thinks You're Made Out of Cardboard"

source: can be learned from Kevin Costner's Elliott Ness in "The Untouchables." (see a pattern here)

Reporter: Word is they're going to repeal Prohibition. What'll you do then?
Eliot Ness : I think I'll have a drink.

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"How to Win Despite Lagging in the Polls in Early September." In other words, "How to grow a pair."

source: can be learned from Kevin Costner's Elliott Ness and Robert De Niro's Al Capone in "The Untouchables."

Eliot Ness : Never stop, never stop fighting till the fight is done.
Al Capone : What'd you say? What're you saying?
Eliot Ness : I said, "Never stop fighting till the fight is done."
Al Capone : What?
Eliot Ness : You heard me, Capone. It's over.
Al Capone : [sneering] Get out, you're nothing but a lot of talk and a badge.
Eliot Ness : Here endeth the lesson.

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"How to Get MEAN and to Lose ALL of Your Liberal Guilt!" Go dirty every so often. Sure it sucks, but it works. Take the bitter pill.

source: Can once again be taken from Sean Connery's Jim Malone and Kevin Costner's Elliott Ness.

[Ness has just shot a gangster after the Canadian border raid]
Eliot Ness : I had to kill him.
Jim Malone : Oh, yeah. He's as dead as Julius Caesar... Would you rather it was you?
Eliot Ness : No, I would not.
Jim Malone : Well, then, you've done your job. Go home and sleep well tonight.

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"How to Be Cool as All Hell and to Put a Little Swagger in Your Step!" Don't let Bush in his blue jeans and stetson be the only image concocted this election year. Create an image...ANY image!

source: taken from Ray Liotta's Henry Hill narration in "Goodfellas."

Henry Hill: Paulie may have moved slow, but it was only because Paulie didn't have to move for anybody.

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"How to Convince Swing Voters to Vote for You." Maybe not as extreme as the below quote, but you get the idea.

source: taken from Liotta's Henry Hill from "Goodfellas"

Henry Hill : [narrating] That's the way it is with a wiseguy partner. He gets his money no matter what. You got no business? Fuck you, pay me. You had a fire? Fuck you, pay me. The place got hit by lightning? Fuck you, pay me.

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"How to Make Friends with the Right People." Much like the right has the religious right, it's time for Democrats to get cozy with the Nader supporters.

source: Marlon Brando's Don Corleone from "The Godfather"

Don Corleone : What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? If you'd come to me in friendship, then this scum that ruined your daughter would be suffering this very day. And if by chance an honest man like yourself should make enemies, then they would become my enemies. And then they would fear you.

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"How to Sell Your Ideals to the Voters!"

source: every "Godfather" movie

Michael : I'll make him an offer he can't refuse.

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When push comes to shove, "How to do Things the 'Old Fashion' Way." Take a page out of old school Chicago Daly's playbook. ;-)

source: Clemenza from "The Godfather"

[to his associate, who has killed Paulie in the car]
Clemenza : Leave the gun.
[pause]
Clemenza : Take the cannolis

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Hopefully the Democrats listen to my advice. Mr. McKibben never asks a second favor once he's refused the first, understood?

It's not personal Kerry. It's strictly business.

matt "bada boom bada bing" out