To Whom it May Concern,

I was in the Barton Creek Mall earlier, and walked past one of your Dippin' Dots Ice Cream Stands. "Ice Cream of the Future" it proudly and clearly reads across the top of the stand. My question is this: "Dippin' Dots" have been the ice cream of the future for nearly 20 years. When does this mythical "future" arrive? But more importantly than that, why are there only 3 flavors of ice cream to choose from? Even NASA has 4 flavors of freeze dried ice cream, and they haven't eaten that shit in space for 30 years.

Thanks for listening,

Matthew Ryan McKibben
(940) i-am-cool

----------------------------------

Mr. Matthew McKibben,

Thank you for your letter. We at Globo-Chem Incorporated, maker of "Dippin' Dots Ice Cream: The Ice Cream of the Future" appreciate any and all letters that grace our desks.

We would love to answer your question about why "Dippin' Dots: The Ice Cream of the Future" has not completely caught on with the mainstream ice cream eater, but due to legal matters under debate in the federal courts, we cannot. All we are permitted to say is that due to global conflicts, the price of liquid nitrogen has skyrocketed. So we would appreciate it if you address this issue with Alvar Hanso of the Hanso Foundation, our supplier of liquid nitrogen. They will no doubt have a more suitable answer for your query.

And if I may, we at Globo-Chem Incorporated are proud to say that you are mistaken in thinking that there are only three flavors of "Dippin' Dots: The Ice Cream of the Future." Due to increasing demand, in the past eight years we have introduced one new flavor of "Dippin' Dots: The Ice Cream of the Future" into our Ice Cream arsenal. So the next time you see one of our stands at your local mall or amusement park, please enjoy our new Neopolitan flavor, along with our traditional Chocolate, Vanilla, and Strawberry flavors.

Thank you for your time and God Bless America,

Ernst Stavro Blofeld
1-800-die-bond

--------------------------------------------

I sent a letter to Alvar Hanso and got this reply:

Mr. Matthew McKibben,

From the tone of your letter, I'm guessing that our friends at Globo-Chem told you to write us regarding our shortage of liquid nitrogen. I'm sure that Globo-Chem also told you that these matters are being debated in various courts of law. All we can say at this time, is that due to global conflicts and our own internal experiments, the cost of liquid nitrogen has skyrocketed well past the levels that Globo-Chem wishes to pay. I don't want to say much more, but if you decide to write back to Globo-Chem, ask them what ingredients they have added to their ice cream to make it freeze like that, since they're clearly not using our patented brand of "Ice Cream Freezing Liquid Nitrogen Compound."

We thank you for your time. For more information on the Hanso Foundation and it's many worldwide experiments, please travel to Sydney, Australia via Oceanic Airlines. We can provide you with tickets.

Dr. Alvar Hanso
Head of the Hanso Foundation
1-800-get-LOST

--------------------------------


....

and scene!