Dear Mattel,

While looking for my girlfriend in Target, I decided to make a shortcut through the store by walking through the toy department. When I walk through any toy department in any store, I try to walk through the aisle with at least some Star Wars or Superman toys on it...you know, just so I can see what to get for my nephews and nieces on their birthdays. But despite my intentions, I always end up gravitationally pulled towards the bright, almost glowing pink aisle of your Barbie toys.

As I recently walked down your Barbie aisle, or "the girl aisle," as it was called in my youth, I noticed that your Barbie line has really progressed through the years. I see that Barbie can now form her own punk rock band. Or if the mood suits, she can be a Mermaid or a Princess. I even see that Barbie can drive around in her pink convertible, campaigning for her Presidential candidacy. This was the coolest Barbie of them all, complete with a classy Blue pant suit, red neckerchief, and a Lynn Cheney style hair-do.

As great as your Barbie toys have become, I still think that the sky's the limit with what you can do with your Barbie Doll toy line. I think you can really take your Barbie line to the next level by introducing a more realistic style Barbie doll. If I may, I'd like to give you some ideas for your toy department to mull over:

-I think you should introduce a "I just woke up at 7:00 am after spending all night on Sixth Street" Barbie Doll. You could call it "Hungover Barbie" or "I Have a Headache Barbie." This one would be pretty easy to create. You'd have to put a lot of hairspray into her hair and then smush one side down, to get that "I passed out on my bed and my hair's conformed to my pillow" look. You could paint bags under eyes, which I must add should be both bloodshot and barely opened. You could even sell her Pink Convertible with a smashed up frontside and a light pole that easily snaps into two pieces.

-I like that you have a princess line of Barbies. Can a little girl's imagination even exist without the wonderful world of fairies, mermaids, and princesses? But while I applaud your princess line of Barbies, I have to say that you should make a more realistic Ken doll to accompany her to the ball. So I say that you introduce a new Ken doll, only make him a little more robust this time. Make it so he can barely button his tux jacket over his portruding beer belly. Or better yet, make him wear a black jacket with navy blue pants, since his ability to mix and match clothing is greatly impaired by his big honking glasses that he has to wear. Instead of giving Ken a VW bus, give him a Toyota Corolla or a Kia Optima. Then, just for fun, give the guy two left feet.

-I'm not sure if you've ever seen "Big Love," but it's a great show from the people at HBO about a family of polygamists. Why not tap into this market by adding a few more rooms to the Barbie Dream House for all the new family members? If you need room, I recommend taking out the elevator. That's easily 1 or 2 more rooms when you spread it out evenly. Although you don't have to go this route, I highly recommend prairie style dresses and long braided hair for the women, and pleated khakis and tucked in blue shirts for the men. I also recommend creating Mormon missionaries that travel around on bikes.

-You could also tap into the cross marketing angle by making a Ken/Barbie dual pack called "Gothed Out Barbie and Ken." As you probably guessed, the usual would apply; jet-black hair, black lipstick, pale white skin, Marilyn Manson t-shirt, and patent leather Edward Scissorhands style pants. The fun part about this one is all the accessorizing you can do. For the Goth Ken doll, I recommend a snappy Apple MacBook purchased by parental money. Or is it called an apple macBook? I've never understood the whole apple, lower case/upper case thING. Goth Ken should also come with a half empty bottle of Vicodin. For the Goth Barbie, I recommend a Wiccan Bible and a white iPod mini. Those Goths love their Apple products.

and lastly

-I think you could totally take your Barbies to the next level by making her smarter than the Ken dolls, increasing the harassment and innuendos thrown in her direction by the Ken dolls, giving her more advanced schooling than the Ken dolls, giving her more skills in the work place than the Ken dolls, and making her outlive her Ken doll counterparts. If you need recommenations on pricing, I say price it about 24% less per dollar than you would price something in the "boy's aisle."

Thanks for listening, and looking forward to hearing from you.

Matthew McKibben
(940) dol-lovr