Every year since 2000, around this time, I have this same debate with myself. And this year it occurred to me that this has become a 6-year habit of mine. It's like smoking... you can always quit later... and then suddenly you discover you've got a pack-a-day habit that's been going strong for longer than your daughter has been alive (I'm taking this inspiration from my father who expressed this frusteration to me once when I was about 18).

The debate, of course, has been whether or not I should enter NaNoWriMo. I did once. In 2000. I entered. But on November 1 I think it snowed or something. Or maybe I just slept in. I have no idea at this point. But I ended up not starting writing until about a week later, by which time I realized I was very far behind, had no story in my head to write down onto paper, and decided it was a lost cause.

The following year, I thought I'd give it a shot, but I didn't think about it until half-way through November, forgetting that it really was a November thing. So I decided I'd do it in December just for myself instead. But then I became emersed in all kinds "breaking up with first college boyfriend" sorts of drama and forgot all about it.

Since then, every November that comes around I think shamefully about how I haven't done it yet, but remind myself that more important things are needing my attention. This year, I have nothing requiring attention besides work, and every reason in the world to do it. My boyfriend says I should write more. He smiled brightly when I told him I might postpone school a bit so that I can focus on my writing. (I can't justify this to myself unless I can focus on my writing *now* before school starts.) My best friend tells me that all the reasons I'm afraid of doing it are moot and I should do it because even if it turns out crappy, short of the 50,000 word mark, or plotless, it'll be okay. Because then I'll have gotten the worst of the writing out of the way so that I can write better stuff. And that once I've done that, I'll just keep getting better and better until I'm satisfied.

Those are the things that she says that make me love her so darn much.

So this isn't a commitment for me to do NaNoWriMo, because I'm still being very non-committal about it in my head, but rather a statement of desire and potential commitment. An exercise in convincing myself I can.