...stays in Cleveland. Well, for the most part. If it *all* stayed, what would I have to tell you, loyal readers? Now, while it may not be as exciting as the city that really inspired that tag line, Vegas, Cleveland does have its appeal and (semi)wild side. (Although this reveals itself not in unlimited gambling and showgirls, but rather in unlimited cheap beer and darts.)

(For a better, sober-er, more chronological retelling of our trip, head over to SM's blog, which recaps our outing quite nicely.) For my part, I'll throw out there some lessons learned from our 5-hour trip from one part to another of, what SM might call, America's Heartland.

* Roadtripping, even for just five hours, is best done with an energetic friend who agrees to go on crazy Ohio-bound road trips with you. (Bonus if said friend is willing to read aloud People and US Weekly, interchanging voices to keep things interesting. Like being a kid again and reading a book before bedtime. Or something.)

* Indiana and Ohio tollbooth workers are generally friender than their Illinois brethren.

* Rest areas don't know the difference between a "sandwich" and a "panini." This will cause CK and SM to poke fun, by switching on an accent and calling it a pa-NEYE-NEYE. It will sound slightly like a body part, which will only make SM and CK laugh hysterically like four-year-olds. This will sustain them for the better part of their car ride.

* Cleveland at night looks a lot like...Baltimore at night. Or whatever other city I imagine is kinda spread out and kinda shady-looking...at night.

* What passes for "trendy" in Cleveland would pass for "uh, not real trendy" in Chicago or some other cities. (i.e., In a so-called "trendy" neighborhood, a pretty cute bar where dinner and pre-drunkfest drinks were consumed was like a Chicago Lincoln Park bar dropped down in the middle of...residential Rogers Park. Sorry for those of you who don't know what that means.)

* One thing universal to every state, city, and group of friends: the semi-trashy, casual, comfortable neighborhood bar. Said bar will smell immediately of smoke upon entering, will be peppered with dudes covered in tatoos and leather jackets as well as young professionals in search of cheap beer and will supply ample dart boards and pool tables. Said bar should, in most circumstances, make just about anyone happy. Because said bar always have a great juke box and friendly locals. Said bar will always remind you of that great place you went in college. Except now you're 26. And in Cleveland....