i guess i shouldn't complain. so many people have problems and challenges so much bigger than mine.

****

i can't even go into the school shooting thing at VT.

it just makes me physically sick. i don't know the details, don't want to. can't go there.

thoughts and prayers for all is the best i can do.

****

my meth addict cousin is worse it seems.

heart failure, a hole in one lung, kidneys shutting down, bacterial and viral pneumonia, assorted infections...it seems a matter of time now. too late to do much of anything else.

again, thoughts and prayers for all...

****

my son and i are going to keeneland tomorrow, or so he says. he has to work tonight so i don't know if he'll make it or not after not sleeping all night. and it's not really the kind of place i want to go alone, but i just might...

my friend deborah said she might go...who knows???

keeneland is a thoroughbred race track. not the kentucky derby track - that's in a different city an hour from here. i don't go to bet or anything like that. i end up running into friends from high school there, so it's a catch up socializing kind of place to go. the food and drink are really yummy there too.

****

hubby got a new razor cell phone, so he has a new toy to play with tonight.

at least i get to use my computer.

i know he paid for it but it was a gift, ok??? so that makes it mine, right???

i don't mind sharing it, really. i just wish he paid as much attention to me as he does the computer, television and other electronic gadgetry.

yeah, i'm in my mid 40's, and i'm at that stage in life where god's cruel joke is taking effect.

he went thru his sexual prime already and now i'm in mine, and things are, let's say, not going in my favor right now.

is that information overshare???

get over it.

i'm 44, i'm frustrated, and i'm startin to get a little worried...

we've been married less than 2 years. what is the problem here???

'nuff said on that i guess.

****

i work with my mother.

not really, but it feels that way some days.

we have another part timer, let's call her bea. she has every ailment known to man or woman and we hear about them all day long.

shit, if i wanted to hear that crap all the time i'd just let my mother move in.

****

does it seem that i'm in a foul humor??? does it seem that this post has turned into a rant???

apparently so.

i'm frustrated in more than one way right now. that other thing is still weighing heavily on my mind and i still don't know what to do about it.

i know what i should and shouldn't do, and i know that i should listen to my head, but sometimes...well, let's just say that what we want and what we need are sometimes two very different sides of the coin.

but i still love ya'll.....!!!

xoxo