i just watched a movie called "the fever" starring vanessa redgrave. it seemed to speak to a lot of what i've been feeling lately and just couldn't put my finger on it.

the movie was about a woman who had been brought up in an upper class family. she attended ballets and plays and orchestra performances and parties. then she was exposed to a very poor war-torn country and began to look at her life differently.

i've always known we are a country of excess, and i consider myself middle-middle class. yet as i sit here typing on a laptop, watching digital cable, drinking bottled water and tummy full from a nice take out chinese restaurant i realize just how wasteful i too am.

i guess with 900 channels of digital cable and the internet we see more and more of how other countries are simply fighting every day for survival. it really makes me stop and think about how very comfy i am, and as cliche as it sounds, how i wish i could help.

i haven't a clue what to do. this is one of those things that is constantly on my mind. and i don't mean just in other countries. hell, i'm from the state who gave their college basketball coach a 5 million dollar contract and yet we have children starving, sick, impoverished all over this city, and it's worse in other areas of the state.

i don't want to get all political - i don't "do" politics. it's just one of those things that drives me crazier every day.

the movie spoke about entitlement and crime and rebellion. i'm not saying i agree with all of it. i don't know how i feel about so much stuff. i'm one of those people who can see both sides of so many things. it'd be so much easier if i couldn't.

anyhoo, it's just been on my mind and i thought i'd share.