you pick the title of this post:

1. i can really pick 'em
2. his glass is half empty
3. antidepressants: try 'em, you'll like 'em!!!
4. is it gonna be a long time, or is it just going to seem like a long time???
5. same shit, new day
6. i'm the bitch your mother warned you about
7. promises, promises
8. bait and switch
9. frustration, thou art mine!!!

that's all the smart ass remarks i can come up with right now.

some background info.

my husband was a bachelor until we married 2 years ago. he was 43 at the time. he had always lived by himself. his mother died when he was 17. his father died 10 years ago. he is the online manager at our local newspaper where he's been employed for 20 years. he's an introvert.

now, all these things i knew before we got married. they are not things i have ever tried to change about him. i think it's unfair to go to the alter thinking "i'll alter him". however...

when we dated we went out and did things. plays, antique shopping, dinner, movies, walks, just stuff. nothing big, nothing that costs a lot of money. just relaxing fun stuff. we had sex too, and often as i remember, and it was enjoyable for both of us.

when he proposed he told me that we'd live in his condo for a year and then get a house. we shopped for furniture, looked at houses, checked out neighborhoods - all those things you think about when you think about getting married.

i agreed, with the understanding that we'd fix the condo up 1. so that we could sell it soon, and 2. so that it would be livable.

we did some work on the bathrooms, but they're not done. one of them still has wallpaper glue on the walls from when he steamed the paper off i don't know how many years ago. the other one still has gross wallpaper on it - dirty, not just ugly - and the kitchen needs to be gutted and redone. there are cabinets missing, falling off the walls, and we have sliding glass doors that might open enough to squeeze through. granted, we don't have a lot of money to work on the house (he failed to tell me that he had about $40,000 in credit card debt until just the past 6 or 8 months - no wonder we have no money to work on this place!!!) we painted katherine's room before we married and the living room/hallways/dining room last fall. and that's it. that's all we've done in over 2 years.

i mentioned earlier that i'm not all about a house. and i'm really not. it would just be a whole lot easier to swallow were it not for the following:

we never go anywhere. we've had sex 3 times this year. he barely talks to anyone around here. he's pretty much a pessimist. he's usually pretty surly. (he jokingly calls himself a curmudgeon) he sits at a desk all day at work, then comes home and sits in his nice leather chair all night watching tv or playing on the computer. he complains that he's tired all the time (wonder why???) and once a few weeks ago when i suggested maybe he exercise a little i got a dirty look from him. he has no friends. he has no hobbies. he rarely talks to his family (a brother lives here in town and a sister in texas) he doesn't help with the housework except when i get nasty about it, altho he says he doesn't expect me to do it all, but he's ok with it if it gets nasty filthy and stays that way, just so he doesn't have to do it. he never helps cook, he never cleans up the dishes. he doesn't even cook on the grill. he starts the dishwasher cuz the latch is broken and i can't get it to lock, and he feeds and walks the dog (out to the sidewalk in front of our building about 30 feet) twice a day. he leaves everything laying all over the house - trash, socks, dishes, chip bags in the floor, mail strewn everywhere, shoes, clothing piled up all over the bedroom (clean and dirty), and the list goes on and on.

i really wonder why he married me. i don't see that he does anything different than when he was single. i do help pay the bills around here - maybe that's a big part of why he married me, altho believe me, he got screwed in that department. i was making about $60,000 a year when he proposed tho.....gives me pause for thought, ya know???

ok, on the flip side...he will be there til the end of time for me. he is basically a good person. he'll never cheat on me. he has a great work ethic. he keeps his appearance up. he is generous, especially on special occasions. he has a good sense of humor, even if it is really cutting at times.

i just don't understand. i really think he's depressed. he was diagnosed with it some years ago before we married. we even broke up for a while because of his negativity. he called me crying that he wanted to be a better more positive person, went to a therapist, got some drugs and took them for a while and they seemed to help. maybe that's what he needs. i know i have to take mine. i freely admit it, and i won't ever stop taking them again. i DO NOT want to see myself like that again.

and yes, i've tried talking to him. he doesn't think he's depressed. i don't know what he thinks. maybe he doesn't. i know he's said that tv and computer games are the way he unwinds after work, but geez, i'd think that if i asked someone to marry me i'd at least take an interest in speaking to them at night. and god forbid if something goes really wrong at work or with anything else and he comes home in a bad mood. then we walk on eggshells around here.

i've suggested we take up doing something together, but we never actually do anything. i've told him i'll try anything but golf, and yet he shows no interest. i've tried to get him to do things with my friend debra and her husband, and he told me those are MY friends.

i'm not really looking for any answers or suggestions, but i'll take 'em if you got 'em!!! i guess a girl just needs to vent sometimes.