i am just completely overcome right now - not overwhelmed - but overcome with grief, with heartbreaking sadness, with hurt and love for some of my loved ones.

a very dear friend of mine is facing some very troubled times, at work, and with family members. she is the sweetest, most gentle soul that i know and does not deserve the shit that people keep piling on her.

my sister called me crying this afternoon to tell me that she found her boyfriend on his boat with another woman. she was getting some bad vibes and suspected something and had it confirmed this morning after she spent the night with him just thursday evening. yeah, day before yesterday.

yes, my sister took up with him before her marriage ended. yes, that was wrong, even tho there were extenuating circumstances. i'm not condoning extra marital affairs in any fashion for any reason. what she did was, IMHO, wrong as well. but let's face it, she is my sister, and i hate to see her going thru this.

again i ask: what the fuck is wrong with people??? i'm no saint, i promise you, but i've never hurt anyone intentionally. yes, i've had 2 marriages fail, but i did everything within my power to keep them together, even with cheating and drug use on the first husband's part, and even with domestic violence on the second husband's part.

i told my friend in an email that it makes me want to go to the mountains and build a cabin and live off the land. i mean it. i am so sick and tired of the "me me me" people in this world.

i'm sick with sadness. i'm angry with the selfishness of people. and i say again, i just don't understand. maybe i don't want to. katherine once told me if i could understand the sick people in this world that it might make me a little too much like them.

i keep asking why, and i have no answers. can we not just be civil at the least? can we not be honest and forthright and just all try to be a little kinder? can we not step outside of ourselves for a moment, and consider that maybe others are going thru some really bad times, and that maybe we can help them instead of try and hurt them? can we not realize that maybe, just maybe, we would all leave this world in a little bit better shape, cuz it's gotten pretty damn bad as far as i can see.