now that i'm on a drug for the gall bladder removal issues (which also lowers my cholesterol) i'm able to drink coffee again. morning, afternoon, evening - anytime!! i'm having some now. this makes me very happy. i can't wait til fall when it's cool and i drink it outside in the morning. mmm, cozy.

i make it now in the french press pot my mom sent me. i think it's the nicest thing she's ever done for me. really. there haven't been too many.

altho, i do remember once when i worked in real estate advertising at the newspaper and i was having a particularly difficult time. mom sent me a bunch of sunflowers with a really sweet card saying how she was worried about me and hoped they brightened me up. i was floored. i cried and cried.

all the girls i worked with couldn't understand why that made me cry. i told them that i didn't think my mom even like me that much.

****

i had another one of those "how i screwed up my life" dreams last night. it involved some of the same things and people as the one i had about a month ago. and it's affecting me the same this time. crying jags, depression, just wanna go to bed and stay. but that won't do any good, cuz it is what it is and there's no going back.

how i wish i could teach my children these lessons.

maybe, despite all my bravado, i'm not internally as happy a person as i tell myself i am. maybe that's why i keep having these dreams.

but i refuse to let it get me down.

yeah, thanks, daddy, for the stubborn trait, too.

****

the rls is kicking in today big time. i'm out of pain meds, but i know daddy has some for me. i overdid it at work today. i knew i would, but i really didn't have much choice. i have a car payment that's late and i promised i'd clean for miss margaret today as well as my regular every other weds person, so i kinda needed to do both houses.

not only did it kick in the rls, my back and shoulders are aching. (do ya hear me, netta? yeah, i know. we need to meet up and do an exchange!!! do i have a "love box" for you, and no, that's not the patchouli talking!!!!!!!)

i just took a requip. in about half hour i'll be stopped up and stuffy and sound like i've been crying, so i guess it's a good cover for the real crying, huh? it's a mild side effect, but i'll take that over walking the floors and going even more insane from the jumping and twitching legs.

****

at least i'm off the board. and i still have my coffee!!

****

i'm not answering the phone tonight if it's any of the neighbors, board members, attorneys, or anyone else associated with this association.

i need a big fat break from this thing.

not only am i not good at politics (aren't ya'll SO proud of me - i didn't want to be good at THAT anyway!!!) i guess i'm still not good at handling lotsa stress.

if i were, i'd still be working in sales at the paper making a huge salary, stepping over everyone in my path to claw my way to the top of the corporate ladder.

naaaaaah, doesn't sound like me, does it? i can more readily see myself living in a commune and growing my own vegetables.

make love, not war, baby!!!

xoxo