i'm coming out of the funk, the black hole, the deep abyss.

you folks have helped, a lot. just reading your posts, with all life's victories and quirks and absurdities (not to downplay netter's shit - pun intended!!) has made me smile many, many times.

thank you. you all matter very much to me.

we had a cookout at daddy's last night. that was hard, and i almost cancelled. he and i have a very special relationship. we always have and always will. so, even tho we had talked about all of this stuff going on via the phone, it was still hard to see each other face to face, and keep it together. ya know how a sympathetic hug can undo you, even tho you think you're holding strong? but keep it together i did. my baby girl had 2 friends with her, so i almost had no choice.

"what doesn't kill us makes us stronger" nigel said to me a couple days ago. he's right, but what doesn't kill us can also make us a little crazier. that's ok, i've never expected to be fully sane anyway. and those who matter, those who really love me, love me more because of my insanity.

i've been writing, a particular sort of journaling, on paper the last few days. it's therapy for me. stream of counsciousness sort of stuff. that has helped trememndously.

so today i choose to feel better. time to move on. i've been doing what needed to be done, now i think i'll begin again to do some things i want to do. and i *will* enjoy them.

life's too short to spend our days in misery, no matter the source of the pain. we are all going to be ok. no, dammit, we will be better than ok! we will press on with zest and fortitude and squeeze all of the joy we can muster from each moment we have.

that's what i keep telling myself, anyway. and i wouldn't lie to myself!!!

and now i must go and make chocolate chip pancakes for a few girlie-os who haven't been asleep all night long. their parents are gonna kill me.

luv you all bunches and bunches.