i need my mommy.

well, probably not my own mommy, but i need a mommy to listen to me and hug me when i cry. i need her to understand what i'm going thru, even if she doesn't approve, or to just love me thru it, even if she doesn't understand all of it. i need her to love me in spite of it or all the more because of it. i've never had a mommy like that. that's why i strive to be her to my kids. and i think it's helping them, i really do.

but right now, just for me, i need this mommy who i can tell everything to. we can cry and laugh together and talk about every aspect of it together. mommy should offer sage advice when asked, but shouldn't berate me for it - it being what i've done or what i'm going to do in the near future.

i said to a DF earlier today that i don't understand why we need certain things, and certain things from certain people, and i don't know, except that it's what makes us human. and i'm ok with being human. i got no other choice, far as i can tell.

but sometimes i just need a hug, from a real live close by human, altho your cyber hugs do help and i feel them, i really do. but i need the warmth of a smile and an arm around my shoulder.

baby girl gives me lots when i need them, and she doesn't even have to know why i need them. i can tell her i'm tired and that's enough for her. but still, i need the hugs from someone whose heart and mind are developed enough to understand why i need the hugs, and i need to know that they will still want to love me and hug me in spite of myself.

yup, i've dropped. it's a pity party. won't ya'll join me? who's bringing the chocolate and ice cream? can someone bring champagne? it always makes me giggle.