where to start? i know i owe many emails and many blog responses and many thanks and hugs and kisses and all that good yukky mushy stuff i love so much...maybe this weekend i can get started on paying it forward to those i love so much...

ohhh ohhhhh before i forget...remember how i was talking about how we don't get enough hugs? downtown on main st today a totally young cute guy was holding a sigh that said "free hugs" and if i hadn't been the first car at the red light i'd have run right over there. he wasn't getting much action. as it was, i rolled my window down, smiled, and we each wrapped ourselves up in our own arms and smiled and giggled and hugged that way.

that counted, right??? i thought it was cute.

went back to the dentist yesterday about the tooth i had the root canal done on in may. it's been killing me, along with both sides of the back of my neck and the jaw on the other side of my face. add to that a headache that is constant. also thought i'd had a sinus infection. dentist talks to me for a really long time about everything...he's a good old friend as well as a dentist...and decides that i have TMD. otherwise known as temporo mandibular disorder.

i'm tired of disorders.

of all varieties.

gah.

anyhoo, he recommended pain pills (duh), massage (duh), jacuzzi baths (duh), muscle relaxers (duh), more sleep (duh), less stress (duh), physical therapy (ick) - anything that will lessen my stress.

funny, him.

how's about a nice roll in the hay, there bruce? not with you, but can ya hook a girl up??? i have more than a few freinds who seem to think that'll set me straight again...

and hey, really now...if we don't get too wild, what could it hurt, really??? ock!!!

so i tell him the whole story, which he knew quite a bit of already since my oldest friend in the world works for him. and i tell him how great things are here at angel's house and how we feel so happy and free and peaceful, because we do. it's amazing. it feels like the first home-home i've had in about......ok, well, forever.

i explain to him that i really feel like the stress is gone, that it was left behind at that other house, that i'm so at peace now. and he tells me that change, even if it's change for the better, can still be stressful. hence the grinding and biting and clamping i do with my teeth at night. hence the grooves worn into the bite guard i've only had for mebbe 6 months. hence the constant aches and waking in the middle of the night in screaming pain unable to move my neck.

holy shitzki, man. all because i grind my teeth???

then i think about it, and yeah, maybe it makes sense to me.

it takes me a while sometimes, but i usually do eventually get it.

it's hard for me to admit that i'm stressed, even if it's for a good change. i don't want anyone to think i have any weaknesses or vulnerabilities at all.

because i don't. dammit.

ok, so yaright. stop snickering.

seriously, i live in my own little pollyanna world where the sun won't come out tomorrow - it's out freaking now and i'm going to enjoy it!! i convince myself that everything is lovely - and most of the time it is - except every now and then i gotta take a wee break, do a reality check in my head, and have a wee breakdown.

so i did.

yes, another one. but a wee one. lasted about 45 mins, then i was all good to go again.

had coffee, got a buzz, danced and laughed all night.

i'm serious. we dance and laugh here. a lot.

i think more than anything i'm tired. very very tired. and yes it might be of the stressful emotional variety and there might be some physical tiredness thrown in too. but ya know what???

angel has a jacuzzi tub...i have meds...and i know where to go for a great massage...

(scout...you reading this??? i'll be up your way one of these days...for my massage!!!)

and guess what else???

my sister and i are going to NYC for a long weekend in january, and she's paying for the whole trip. godblessher and allthesaints.

i just got to remember to pack that bite guard.

whiiiiipppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...!!!!!!! it's good, peeps. it's all good.

love and hugs ya'll. love and hugs.