When you think about "what comes next" in your life's work or career, and you picture yourself doing whatever usually "comes next" for people on your particular career trajectory, and that next thing feels interesting to you but you also feel a real No, or Not Now, about it, how do you assess whether that No/Not Now is a nudge toward a different career step, or whether it's just a lack of confidence?


I am not seeking a new call. (And if I were, I wouldn't be writing this here!)

But I drove to Town Down the Interstate today to have my quarterly lunch with Laid-Back Clergy Pal, and as two associate pastors we inevitably kick around where we see ourselves next. He's ready to be a head of staff somewhere. I don't feel ready. But there's nothing he has, skill-wise, that I lack in any major way. We had the same education, we've been in ministry the same amount of time, our job responsibilities were similar. I just feel this internal No about it. Yet I don't think that I see myself as a long-term associate either.

So am I just sensing a different path unfolding?
Or do I lack confidence in my ability to move into that role?

Maybe (and this relates to the BBT discussion) it's a third option: maybe I haven't personally experienced how to do ministry in a 'large' church while still respecting family and personal time. I'm not saying that there aren't people out there who do that (in fact NotShy mentioned one in the comments), I just haven't worked with them or really understood, on a practical level, how that works on a day-to-day basis. (The clerk of session dies, your child is playing Clara in the Nutcracker, and your spouse is stuck downtown because the trains have broken down. Go.)

So I'd be interested to talk to a bunch of heads of staff, especially those with youngish kids and a spouse who works fulltime, since that's our reality.

Here's a random, non-exhaustive, at times unrealistic and contradictory list of what I would enjoy in a next call:
-living in a smaller, slower community with less traffic
-preaching regularly, weekly or almost weekly
-teaching often
-one committee night where I can float rather than meetings spread out over the whole month
-the opportunity to do pastoral care but not be the lone ranger on that (deacons, Stephen Ministers)
-a church that loves to laugh
-a work load in which I can feel some sense of accomplishment at 50 hours a week (assuming full time)--knowing that sometimes special circumstances require more
-part-time and/or enough time and space for some writing
-a co-pastorate?
-casting a vision and/or helping the church come to a vision, and supporting the execution thereof while not being crushed under the weight of endless administrative details
-the chance to do hands-on mission from time to time rather than just overseeing other people doing mission
-working with people with a passion for evangelism that is contagious yet thoughtful and respectful
-enough study leave money to actually get *away* for my two weeks a year
-generous sabbatical policy
-preschool at the church for the divine miss m
-less than 5-minute drive to church
-one Sunday service
-the chance to do community theater or sing in a community chorus every now and then
-vibrant artists' community in the town and/or congregation
-space to write the darn book
-access to a farmer's market to buy fresh produce
-four nice seasons a year
-proximity to family
-enough disposable income to hire cleaning help
-open minds and open hearts in church and community, even if people disagree politically with one another
-many, many, many of the attributes of Suburban Pres--a real interest in spiritual growth, a "generous orthodoxy," dedicated and inquisitive laity, casual but not sloppy worship, a can-do attitude, lack of entrenchment in "the way we've always done it"

It's time for bed... to be continued I'm sure.