I rather liked this one:

"Bozo criminals for today come from Lockport, New York where a couple of bozos walked into the Tractor Supply store at closing time and demanded the night bank deposit bag. Noticing an employee with a blue bag in his hand, they snatched it from him and ran out of the store. Maybe they should have checked the bag's contents before fleeing. Instead of the bank deposit bag, our bozos stole a bag containing what was left of the employee's lunch. They were captured shortly thereafter."