My wish for the evening is to be able to eat the rest of my lunch, put my feet up, and enjoy an hour or so of solitude with a good book. Without playing passive-aggressive games, without everyone wanting a piece of me, without answering the damn telephone one more time.

Someone asked me today when I was planning on retiring. Normally, I'd say I have no plans to retire. I enjoy my work, it gives purpose and shape to my day and I feel that I am making a positive contribution to society, making the world a little bit better in my own way.

Today, however, I'd have retired in a minute if I could afford it. And then I'd no doubt spend the rest of my life regretting it. I would become the full-time caretaker for a person who would immediately become helpless (taking advantage of my availability), for whom I would clean and keep house and cook and chauffeur and nurse full time. No, thanks. It may come to that, some day, but I'll avoid it as long as possible. Martyrdom is not my chosen destiny.

But who chooses their destiny? Who can shape their life to their own ends? Maybe we're all just swimming helplessly against the tide, to be smashed by the waves against the rocks whether we will or not. Perhaps I should just adopt a more passive acceptance of the winds of fortune and go where the shifting winds take me, where the waves push me, where the rocks break me.

But I believe that we make choices--that we can make choices and accept the responsibility for the choices we make. And I do not choose to go under without making an effort to swim to shore. Even a rocky beach will do (New Englanders will know what I mean by a rocky beach--a bit of sand and a bunch of boulders down to the waterline.) I have faith that there are always possibilities and anything you can imagine you can reach for. I believe; I have faith.