All day I've felt as if a brick wall fell on me, leaving me headache-y, tired, sore and bruised. SO, as expected, had great need of my assistance, pulling him up on the bed, levering him off the toilet, giving him a hand to get up from his chair, etc. Not to mention cooking meals, serving, cleaning up afterward (which includes sweeping the floor under his chair) and washing the dishes.

After care instructions were to take it easy for two to three days and avoid strenuous activity. Hah. All I could do was take a pain med (unusual for me), drink lots of coffee, and grit my teeth.

I am still up, it's nearing midnight, when he has to take his pills (he's 'forgotten' again when to take them and which pills to take), and then I can finally go to bed, a couple of hours way past my weekend bedtime.

Next time something like this looms, I'm going to have to keep silent about it and deal with it on my own, because having to cope with the sudden SO anxiety and consequent helplessness and self-harm, is impossible and hurting me in the process.

It's at times like this, that I wonder why on earth I ever got married. Though even if we weren't married, I would never leave a sick old man on his own, just as I would never abandon a sick old dog. There are some things you just don't do.

But how am I going to cope with my own needs and still defend myself from his neediness? Good thing I'm a tough OWL*. Most of my life I've had only myself to rely on. At least I've had lots of practice! The hard part is finding the extra strength to keep giving to him, while trying to take care of myself at the same time. Sometimes very difficult to pull off.

Ambidextrous, that's it. One hand gives, the other hand protects.

OWL: old white lady