Even when opportunity knocks, you still have to
get off your backside and open the door.

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to
immediately clear your computer history (and check your
dresser drawers) if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument
when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap
when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a "sarcasm" font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm
pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you
how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a
moment at work when you know that you just aren't
going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and
it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page
research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never
wash this - ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello?
Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings
nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I
didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then
not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I
know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday
or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was
younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck
was going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in
each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm
trying to finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between
boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before
you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or
understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of
cars team up to prevent an A-hole from cutting in at the
front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Jeans? Jeans never
get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber and dumber
every year?

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you
are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate
drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I
always hate cyclists.

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times
and still not know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating
their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and
Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone
can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away,
in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

Thanks to Batty for this one.