I woke up thinking about my friend. Such a gentle soul, a caring person. What's the old saying--Only the good die young. I'm feeling very depressed and sad.

Another furlough day, wreaking future havoc on my budget. Well, I exaggerate a bit for effect. More like future tightness (think about Winnie-the-Pooh trying to exit Rabbit's home), not havoc.

Watching for Demented's (see list) safe return from his trip. And had pizza for dinner last night, in honor of mj's tradition (see Going Wodwo in list). I find your words very comforting, all of you. Thank you.

I'm going to visit N this afternoon. That will consume half the day. I upgraded the cell phone accounts to a gargantuan supply of minutes, along with which comes Friends and Family (the calls to F & F don't count against your minutes).

We'll never use the number of monthly minutes we now have, but I'm going to let him choose the F & F people as if it mattered. He needs to feel in charge, in control of something, and this is the most innocuous project I can think of. If he chooses someone totally inappropriate, so what. And I can always change them, since the account is in my name. (18% employer discount!)

I suggested, since he has so much time on his hands, that he start calling old friends and getting back in touch again. I told him that people love to talk about themselves; he doesn't need to tell them he's in the hospital, unable to care for himself. Just ask them how they're doing, let them burble on, and they will think after they hang up what a wonderful conversationalist he is.

Nope. Doesn't want anyone to know he's in a bad place. Wants to keep looking good, after bragging for so many years about how he was writing the book that would bring it all together, synthesize everything, change the world. Now he would have to admit it was all a sham, and he's just an ordinary person, like the rest of us, getting old.

Just?? He's a good person, and he has a listening ear and an understanding mind. How much good he could do, being that one person who is willing (and has the time) to listen and grok. He calls himself "Shenachie"--he could really be one, even from a hospital room.

Instead, he'll waste his whole life on a narcissist's ego trip. What a shame.