Today's my birthday and last night on the phone, N asked me what I wanted for my birthday and was bemoaning the fact that he can't go anywhere (even online) to buy me something.

My reaction was immediate and strong. The greatest gift anyone could give me right now would be stability. No longer to have my life turned upside down every few weeks. No more having my world crash down around my ears with every phone call.

The gift I ask is to be able to predict, with fair amount of certainty, what the future will bring.

I'd like to be able to look at tomorrow, next week, next year, without being terrified of the worst case scenario, though mentally I'm prepared for it, if it comes.

I want stability. Yes, I know, all things change, loss is inevitable, and so on--but a modicum of tranquility would be a blessing.

The greatest gift.