My friend came to me, feeling angry. When I asked her what had happened, she blurted out, "I am so tired of being controlled by being intimidated."

I asked her what had happened, and she said that her husband had yelled at her when she asked where the garbage bags were, saying that she was nagging and criticising him, when he had said he was going to straighten stuff out on Monday (he's been busy at work).

What does intimidation mean? It means a mental and emotional overpowering, by means of the threat of removal of affection or approval. So when she's controlled by intimidation, she's controlled by her own fear of loss of affinity.

We agreed, after talking it over, that there's nothing she can do about his short temper. He may, as he has in the past, apologize for it (though he won't forget the event), or he may not. Her job is, I told her to keep calm and carry on. And, I guess, to avoid any criticism, however subtle.

Or while he's carrying on, keep calm. It's his problem, not hers (though she still doesn't know where the box of black bags has disappeared to). I'm afraid, though, that he has successfully limited her to "safe" topics of conversation.

She'll be even more careful from now on to avoid anything that could be misconstrued (or correctly construed) as criticism. He has a sharp tongue. I sure wouldn't want to be close to him. That was what she meant by being controlled by intimidation.

Violence is not always physical. As you know, it can be mental and emotional as well.