Christmas floods me with several memories. Recent memories are filled with jam-packed work schedules. The holidays have not been fun for me since I got my first job in retail and have since moved into the wonderful world of Brown shipping. I recall my last fond if frightening Christmas episode.

I was off to college my freshman year at WKU. My roommate and I although friendly did not hang out together. He had some ecletic friends that I wish I had known better now. Anyhoo, Chad and his friend Drew always pushed the boundaries of our confined living arrangements. I went to bed early and they crept around campus during th Batman hours. I would open my eyes instantly from a dead sleep when I heard the words, "Do you think this will wake him up?" The two scalawags would be leaning over me then act suprised that I was awake. Or disappointed.

Right before Christmas, the city of Bowling Green would place a Naitivity scene downtown. The ACLU wasn't as trigger happy back in the eighties. One day I came back to the dorm for my afternoon nap, pulled back my blanket and found baby Jesus resting in my bed. One guess on how it got there. Chad and Drew confessed and said they would return it. The next day the theft of baby Jesus made the front page. What kind of depraved person would do this!?! Public outrage at it's finest. and not only that but the statue of Jesus was valued at over $500 making it a felony.

Chad and Drew somehow snuck it out of the dorm and past a police guard to return the baby Jesus to the manger. The next day the return of the baby Jesus was in the paper but the thief had also been caught. The "thief" was a mentally deficient homeless woman, who said she took Jesus to be her baby. Chad and Drew were furious. They hatched a plan to re-steal Jesus and leave a ransome note. I never discovered what happened because the semester ended and I transfered to U of L never to return to Bowling Green again. I know Chad missed me because his next roommate was a steroid popping freak who accused Chad of being gay and beat him to a pulp. I do wonder about the Jesus thief occasionally.

Lit: Christopher Rowe "Bittersweet Creek and Other Stories" , "The Best American Mystery Stories of 2003" edited by Michael Connelly

Tunes: the constant drone of mechanical belts carrying your god damn Pottery Barn crap and Amazon.com goodies. Merry Crapmas!