It's easy to complain about this heat. I realize that millions of people live in 90-plus-degree weather all summer and take it as a matter of course. However, those of us with webbed feet and gills are not in the market for stagnant suffocation.

According to the grand law of the Pacific Northwest there should always be enough water around to keep this sort of thing from happening, either through evaporation, glaciation, or down-home rain. Nope. Today we've got clear, 90 degrees and the hint of a 5 kph breeze.

Sweat is dripping from places I had forgotten. The wet spots on my clothes are oddly placed. In junior high I was convinced I'd never pass the pencil test, and now, though I normally could hold a canister of Pillsbury Poppin' Fresh Rolls under my breasts, even a pencil would slide out. Bye bye, pencil, I would say as the pencil thanked me for the waterslide vacation.

I live in a beautiful (well, formerly and potentially beautiful) beige brick building from 1920. I love the sash windows and the hardwood floors. I hate that my southern exposure, with my unobstructed and glorious view of Mt. Rainier, means that the apartment is the same temperature as the brick baking outside. I've had a fan going for three days to no avail. I couldn't even sleep last night despite the fan, a spray bottle of water, and a Tylenol #3. TV? Yeah, I tried Mind of Mencia, South Park, Chappelle's Show, even The Brady Bunch. Nothing.

I have errands to run this morning, so again I will have the comfort of the air-conditioned Subaru for brief stints. And I used to think that Seattleites/Tacomans didn't need AC. It was some SoCal affectation. You shouldn't have it in your car, and in your house? Well, what kind of loser shouts out "I'm from somewhere you all hate" by having built-in AC?

This one. Even though I'm not from anywhere else, I'm now somewhat in favor of those hideous window units. I'm hoping to suffer through this spell without one (can't afford it anyway, who am I kidding) and then spend next summer somewhere I can breathe.

I did, however, do laundry already. If I don't feel productive, my crabbiness just gets worse. At this rate, I could fold all that laundry and feel pretty darn good about the whole day. I should volunteer at camp - I'd feel better about things to be out at CSBTS. Or I could just float at KVI Beach. That's the ticket.