the methods and means of procrastination

breaking up is hard to do
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In a perfect world, things would happen like this:

My head would make a small popping noise. I would turn to my boss and simply say, "I'm done." I would stand up, pack up my shit and walk out, with no repercussions.

It's alright if the popping noise doesn't happen. I could live with that.


So, I hate breaking up. Always have. Now that I'm married, it doesn't happen except really in my work life. A few years back, I realized that I wasn't seeing jobs logically or pragmatically. I saw it as an emotional relationship that generated things like self worth (self hate), respect (disgust), and companionship (eniminity or "ex-hating"). Now, I know that's not healthy. Can't help the way I'm made on this one. It would take a lot of re-wiring. For me it is never about the money, it is always about all the intangibles.

When a work place becomes more of an emotional burden than an emotional pay off, I walk. Or at least, I'm ready to walk. The problem is I'll be three steps (emotionally) towards the door and be forced to frantically justify my actions to my employers. It's a bad scene. Even if it is a "smooth breakup" it still causes weeks of turmoil leading up to it.

Do employers know how painful it is to tell people why you don't like them? Christ. If I don't want your money anymore, why the hell do I need to tell you why I don't want your money anymore, you know? If I don't respect you anymore, why do you force me to tell you so? If I hate the way you do business, why do you need to know? Why do you care what I'm doing next?

So, I'm gearing up to once again break a pact, emotional turmoil be damned. This one shouldn't be too bad, I'm just having trouble finding my "angle." So far, I've only come up with:

"I don't want to keep coming in here."
"Thanking you."

Though pithey, it somehow lacks punch.

Wish me luck...

What's Playing: Gimme three steps (Skynyrd)
Book: Roadwork (king)
Film/TV: XMen 2

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