the methods and means of procrastination

a little thunder cloud
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Had our first visit from some potential movers today. Came to "weigh" our house. (read: books) We have just crossed the point on my internal clock that considers planning to be no longer "neurotic" but "timely."

I'm starting to get our money in order >
so we can look for a place in August >
so we can get a place by Sept. 1 >
so we can move in during the month of Sept >
so we can start work Oct. 1.

Very exciting, I assure you.

Actually all this flurry of activity is related to some excitement at work. Zeta is doing well. Which is great (I mean really great) for my friends that work there. They have been putting long hours and getting half pay for a long time. But obviously these events only involve me minorly, if at all. So it's neutral for me. Neither good nor bad. Which is fine, or so I thought.

But sitting in the office, surrounded with very excited people with very good news has apparently been making me depressed. Like really really down. I knew something was wrong, but until I went away for a week or so, I didn't realized how much the environment has been effecting me. I couldn't even write about it. I was feeling overwhelmed. Not by what had to be done, but by nothing. A big black cloud of nothing. Now I feel a bit guilty for being so selfish about the good fortune of others, at the time I was nonplus.

Well, now I know. And I'm not so down. I'm trying to keep busy which is the only way I stay positive. Actually thinking about Denver and the future, beyond the nuts and bolts of the move, makes me worry. (not the same as depression) So I find myself debating the value of a location instead of polishing my portfolio. [Or rather overhauling my portfolio. Thankfully my resume and cover letter were done a few months ago. One less thing to worry about. ]

Eventually I will have ownership of my life in Denver. I will find my place in Paul's ministry with OMF. In the near future I will have good experiences there. I will get a job. We will find a place to live. We might even get a dog. But for now, I'm content to plan for the little things.

What's Playing: traffic and bird song
Books: Excession(Banks)
Film/TV: (from imdb.com) I, Robot

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