It's almost the end of many things: holidays, tea and random train of thoughts. I've missed talking to you, and certainly you alot more. It's pleasant, always.. But never really fulfilling. I guess it's back to where I've started, to wanting what I can never have. So sick and tired of letting things go back and forth in my life without some form of control whatsoever. I feel like my life was never mine to begin with. Damnit.

Something else bugs me.

The other 'you'. I feel like... just another somebody. Somebody that you'd go out for coffee with, and lend a helping hand to. But the thing is, I don't want that. Friendship is a 2 way traffic. It's not always about you saving my ass, it's also about you relying on me sometimes, trusting that I am trying to help make things right. If you can't, then this pretty much is just what people who know each other are like. I don't like it. I wished you'd just trust me abit.