I've not unsubscribed to the various "daily deals from vendor X" emails yet, but I've started deleting them sight-unseen. I no longer have any use for emails about tech toys.

I've bought them all.

Bicycle

Not geeked out. Nerded out. Let me explain: I don't have a combination GPS / speedometer / wireless heartbeat monitor / cadence metronome gizmo. I do have a 'bicycle computer' but it's a glorified speedometer / odometer. No, my bike is more nerded out, with fenders, a bell, a rack and panniers. It's definitely more Clydesdale than Thoroughbred, but that's the way (uh-huh, uh-huh) I like it.

Laptop

Nothing really special. It's not a speed demon, a storage behemoth or a graphical prodigy. On the 'Vista Experience' tool, it's a 2.2 out of 5, brought down by it's stodgy graphics. Still, it's light and small, and it feels good to write this blog on it.

Thanks to where I work, I have ridiculously high-powered software on the machine. Each time I fire up Visual Studio I'm reminded of that scene from Wayne's World: "We're not worthy, we're not worthy." That tool is that good.

MP3 Player

Netta's gift from her recent blog seeded this entry. No, not saying she's materialistic. Given her living situation, she can afford neither space nor funds to spoil herself like I have. No, but I have a 60 GB Toshiba Gigabeat WMA / WMV / MP3 player, half-full with the whole of my online music collection. It's my soul, different facets for different times.

Wireless Stereo Headphones

I "won" these at work for participating in a beta for Windows Mobile 6. They are wireless and come with a 3.5mm adapter to feed sound from my MP3 player to them, just like any other set of headphones. When a call comes in, they'll automatically switch over. Neat.

Cell Phone

A phone with a keyboard. I used to have a Psion 5MX (actually two, those things are damned fragile...) and it had an absolutely beautiful keyboard, best I've ever used on a mobile device. I used to write fiction on it. But it wasn't a phone. This is a phone, full on computer, media player, network modem, etc.

Digital Camera

Again, nothing special, and I don't use it for anything special. It's small, it's light, and it's handy to annoy Kitten. She hates having her photo taken.

Backpack

Something to hold all this gear crap. Of special note is the section with a stupid number of little pouches for cables and power adapters and gizmos.

Xbox 360

It's a time-sink. I was hoping I could have common interests with coworkers, talk to them about games and such, but the sheer number of games makes that unlikely.

What's the point of this? Not to boast. I doubt anyone else cares. And, if you do, you shouldn't.

I shouldn't, either.

I guess that's the point of this all. I've gone down the American Way, thinking I can buy my way to happiness. I've gotten decent gear for all the tech scenarios I consider reasonable. No, not great. But definitely good enough, especially for how little time I have to use them.

Actually, I use most of them every day. (Maybe I ought cut back on the Xbox...) The only exception is the camera.

At any rate, I've gone down Market St. and have reached its end. I've sampled what I felt I could use, and now, I still feel empty. Yes, I can get a big screen TV, or an annoy-your-neighbor stereo system. I can get a bigger computer, or a better phone. They exist, but the prices are beyond ridiculous.

That was the original realization that prompted this post. I have every geek toy I can reasonably see myself using. At this rate, the devil on my shoulder is whispering for me to upgrade, to buy the better versions.

I recognize that way is folly. This way was folly. I'm happier. I no longer feel the ache of false hunger, the requirement to produce counter-rationalizations to the innate rationalization of "why can't I have that? we can afford it."

I'm happier, in that I no longer feel false hunger. (Is there an echo in here?) But I'm saddened because my grasp has finally equaled my reach, and I've found the prize to be an illusion.

I'm happier, but I've pierced the veil. My goal, such as it was, has been reached. No accolades, no laurels. I look back and realize how I underutilize these toys. To extend the toy metaphor, they're like train set in an apartment -- too big to lay out and consume precious space, too expensive to let gather dust.