I'm an Aspie, and I end up mentoring other Aspies I meet online. Part of it is self-serving, to be the 'older sibling' I longed for when I was young and clueless. I'm sure there's a story in there somewhere, something akin to Frequency, but that's for later. Maybe.

One pair of Aspies I know lived together. Details withheld, both out for respect for their privacy, and to keep the scope of this post more focused than most. They were in love. They seemed to be set for The Long Haul.

A thing about Asperger's -- in addition to the usual description of it being The Geek Syndrome, we also are emotionally immature for our age. At 21, I probably had the emotional awareness (the much-ballyhooed EQ) of a 15 year old.

So, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that they didn't work out after all. I'm not going to don any hubris and take fault for that. I'm aware of the limits of my influence, and the constraints on my presence. No, their not working out was not my fault.

But, I felt a personal investment. The boy was much like me, but more technically advanced at his 21 than I was at mine. The girl would have been the girl of my dreams back then -- witty, quirky, intelligent and understanding. (Yes, she's cute as well, but that's not very high on my list of desirable traits. Looks fade, but the mind just grows sharper with age.)

At any rate, both of them talked to me, and gave she gave me leave to talk to the lad with her details. Normally, I try not to talk in detail to both halves of a relationship. That makes it easier for me to keep secrets. Being a trustworthy confidant is very important to me.

I'll be honest, I saw her side far more than I saw his. He asked me for thoughts, I gave them to him. He refuted mine, but in a way that I know didn't work for my life. (I'm not saying it will never work, but I do place its success rate poorly.)

Overall, he evidenced a mindset common to Aspies, that "I know The Truth; The Truth is all that matters; if you don't agree with me and The Truth, then you are a nutter." I held that once, and shudder when I think of it. I tried to dissuade him of that.

No dice.

Anyone else, I would have simply 'handed off.' "Look, I gave you the best advice I could. It's up to you to take it or not. However, I have nothing more to say on this matter, and would rather talk about something else." Not him. He refuted it, trying to justify being dismissive of third parties involved in their relationship and subsequent breakup. Me, because perhaps of my living vicariously through him, I held on and threw more energies at trying to make him understand.

Another sidenote - Aspies place a high value on intelligence, perhaps overly so. If an Aspie thinks you're wrong, it's not just "you don't agree with me, so we'll work apart," it's "you don't agree with me, so you're a royal fool and less of a human being as a result." Not good.

As such, I tend toward the ambiguity of relativism than any absolute. "It may work for you." "I'm sorry we disagree." "I can see some instances where that may be true, however unlikely."

This keeps me from lowering my opinion of the other party. This is important because Aspies lack tact. If I have less respect for you, you'll know. It may not be expedient or pragmatic, but it will be obvious. Likely, it will harm me in the long run.

He refused to even see how that could be. To him, the third parties were both at fault and irredeemably around the bend.

He didn't see that his treating them with obvious disdain was a serious contributory factor to their interfering with his relationship and it's subsequent failure.

It was like talking to a brick wall by way of my forehead. The wall is still standing, and I have a headache.

Good night.