Reading: Microserfs by Douglas Coupland
Music: Camper Van Beethoven
TV/Movie: Into the Wild Green Yonder
Link o' the Day: 13 Inane Questions with Savage Steve Holland


Yeah, sing it to the tune of the Camper Van Beethoven tune "Take the Skinheads Bowling" except note that we're not skinheads, and we can take ourselves bowling thenkyewveddymuch. Margaret and I have found an activity we both enjoy and can do together! We tried World of Warcraft, but I couldn't get into it. Margaret tried to join me fishing one day, but couldn't get into it.

Bowling, though... works! We've been having fun knocking pins down. We even bought shoes. Shoes. And we're discussing purchasing our own bowling balls at some point.

I think we need to find a way to make it cheaper. Non prime times and so forth. Maybe try out a few of the other lanes so we're not blasted with awful music. But oin the whole, we're bowling now and might even look into joining a league.

Who woulda thunk it?

Which reminds me.

Has there been a feel-good teen movie about bowling yet? You know... maybe set in Colorado someplace. A loveable nerd named Josh hits hard times, maybe his grandfather's bowling alley is about to be demolished to make way for a state-of-the-art perrier bar, and the real estate developer's son (named Trip) is this jackass star quarterback and he totally treats his girlfriend (Candi (with an i)) like crap, and Josh has this weird best friend (Ginzy) with some kind of quirk like he wears a paper crown or eats paste. Josh and Ginzy's attempt to save the bowling alley by giving it a bitching new 80s look are dashed when the quarterback and his perrier-swilling football buddies trash the joint the night before the insurance inspector arrives. And then it comes down to an all-or-nothing round of bowling...but the nerd-hero can't bowl!

Enter an outcast girl (Ophelia) from the same high school who was greatly wronged once by the jock but who is a secret championship-level pin-hitter. She teaches Josh how to bowl over a hilarious montage accompanied by a medley of the very latest 80s hits until it finally looks like he can get the ball all the way down the alley without hitting the gutter.

Grandpa is so proud, he gives Josh his lucky bowling ball, then has a heart attack. Josh is now too worried about his grandpa to think about the big game happening the next day, but then Ginzy shows up and gives him a pep talk, revealing how he always looked up to Josh and suddenly Ophelia appears with the whole nerd contigent from the high school is in grandpa's hospital room, including the two Chinese exchange students who have no idea what's going on.

A heart-felt talk with Ophelia, a lesson about love, and chaste kiss on the cheek, and Josh is ready to face his greatest challenge. Ginzy gives Josh a lift home so he can get a good night's sleep. As Ophelia heads to grandpa's to refill the popcorn machine, she is kidnapped by Trip and the jocks and tied up in the school's sub-sub basement where lurks the creepy, stammering janitor Mr. Kolchak.

The next day, Josh and Ginzy are ready to bowl, but where's Ophelia? Maybe she doesn't believe in Josh after all. Trip shows up, all smug and such. It's a best two out of three. A rattled Josh loses the first game and looks like the same will happen with the second. Meanwhile, Ophelia frees herself but is lost in the sub-sub basement. She meets the scary Mr. Kolchak, but warms his heart with her earnestness. We learn that he once bowled against Trip's dad and knows of a secret weakness in the family wrist that Josh can exploit, but warns of a devastating cheating move the family is also known for. Ophelia and Mr. Kolchak rally the entire school and they all go down to grandpa's bowling alley en masse to cheer Josh on. Heartened by the sight of Ophelia and the whole school cheering him on, he wins the second game.

It all comes down to the final game.

Josh uses the inside information from Ophelia and Mr. Kolchak, and while Josh is ahead, Trip uses a devastating cheat method to catch up.

But Heart trumps Cheat and in a stunning last-minute pin being knocked over... Josh wins! Trip is humiliated in defeat! The sheriff office serves papers to Trip's dad and the bowling alley is saved! Candi hooks up with Ginzy. Grandpa shows up, released from the hospital with a hot nurse played by Martha Quinn doing a cameo. Mr. Kolchak disappears, leaving behind a single blue flower. A columbine.

And there's your title Bowling for Columbine. Catchy, huh?

Grandpa declares Free Bowling for the day. Everyone hits the lanes, freeze frame as pins are knocked down and everyone having a good, wholesome time. Cue "Freeze Frame" by the J. Geils Band.

Roll credits.




Neat, huh? So has there ever been a movie like this?

There really should.

The sript writes itself.

-=-=-=-=-=


In keeping with the theme of the 80s teen movie, today's link goes to 13 Inane Questions with Savage Steve Holland, a 1998 interview with what looks like some college publication. It's pretty old, but of some interest to fans of such classics as Better Off Dead and One Crazy Summer

Cheers!