Matter-of-fact journaling
Mood:
a little tired
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Reading today: Various scrapbook magazines
Music today: the melodious strains of Roman yelling at the top of his lungs (no tears, though)
TV today: video of "Blue's Clues"
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Coming from an orphanage, Roman has two almost distinct personalities. Some days (when well rested) he can go 1 to 2 hours playing by himself. Some days (like today) he is really clingy, and has to be near one of us at all times. Not necessarily to play *with*, but he will "check in" with us as he plays. Today he has been yelling at me because I dared to come work on the computer while he was distracted by a toy.
Based on a couple people's observations, I've been thinking about my journaling. Someone observed (not in a negative way) that I am very matter-of-fact as I write. I'm not gushing with love and adoration for my child; I'm laying it out as it is, daily. There are a few reasons for that. I don't want to be a gushy person about my child. Granted, he IS the cutest thing in the whole wide world (even when he cries!) but I also am aware that he is a separate person than me, and I am reporting on my observations of motherhood now.
Perhaps adoption IS different - maybe most pregnant women feel an emotional "connection" with their child before adoptive parents do. I know I felt a connection with Roman, but our relationship develops differently than that of a newborn. Roman already had a personality and we're learning to mesh them. And we're adapting him into our life (or trying our best). Some parents make the child the center of their life and wrap everything around the child. We want to *integrate* Roman into ours.
I did have an interesting emotion over the weekend. We had my parents over for a couple days, and then some friends from out of town stopped by. I enjoy that people want to see Roman and spend time with us. But I felt a distinct feeling, after everyone had gone, of this nature - "whew! We finally have Roman all to ourselves again." How funny is that?! On rough days I want people to visit; but it's also nice when we can be our own little family again.
Music today: the melodious strains of Roman yelling at the top of his lungs (no tears, though)
TV today: video of "Blue's Clues"
-----------------------------------
Coming from an orphanage, Roman has two almost distinct personalities. Some days (when well rested) he can go 1 to 2 hours playing by himself. Some days (like today) he is really clingy, and has to be near one of us at all times. Not necessarily to play *with*, but he will "check in" with us as he plays. Today he has been yelling at me because I dared to come work on the computer while he was distracted by a toy.
Based on a couple people's observations, I've been thinking about my journaling. Someone observed (not in a negative way) that I am very matter-of-fact as I write. I'm not gushing with love and adoration for my child; I'm laying it out as it is, daily. There are a few reasons for that. I don't want to be a gushy person about my child. Granted, he IS the cutest thing in the whole wide world (even when he cries!) but I also am aware that he is a separate person than me, and I am reporting on my observations of motherhood now.
Perhaps adoption IS different - maybe most pregnant women feel an emotional "connection" with their child before adoptive parents do. I know I felt a connection with Roman, but our relationship develops differently than that of a newborn. Roman already had a personality and we're learning to mesh them. And we're adapting him into our life (or trying our best). Some parents make the child the center of their life and wrap everything around the child. We want to *integrate* Roman into ours.
I did have an interesting emotion over the weekend. We had my parents over for a couple days, and then some friends from out of town stopped by. I enjoy that people want to see Roman and spend time with us. But I felt a distinct feeling, after everyone had gone, of this nature - "whew! We finally have Roman all to ourselves again." How funny is that?! On rough days I want people to visit; but it's also nice when we can be our own little family again.
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