Reading today: Finished "Good in Bed."
Music today: Nyet.
TV today: Fox 2 News: Pistons Won the conference!
-----------------------------------
I am having a serious struggle with my work life. When I planned to take leave, and then work part time, I was thrilled that it all worked out so well. Even better, I'm only teaching 2 classes next year, so I get all morning with Roman and brain stimulation in the afternoon. Perfect, right? But the devil is in the details.

When you go part time, you lose a lot of material items. Such as a room. Your beautiful desk you ordered. Your VERY comfortable chair (although I'm going to figure out how to keep that!). The overhead projector you bartered for because it's brand new. The bookshelves you cut a deal with maintenance for. The extra file cabinet you scavenged and fixed. You are reminded over and over that things in your room do not belong to YOU, it's the school's. You are transient; the furniture in each room is permanent. But I am having a very hard time leaving this stuff for someone else.

I keep thinking of things that I want to keep. I think of things I have to leave, and get really sad. Imagine, being emotionally distraught over an overhead projector! (if you were a teacher, you'd understand). On top of that, my Econ class was assigned to another teacher. That's my baby. I took the bare bones from a previous teacher and over the course of 2 years and a week-long workshop in August, developed it into a fun course where students learn about macro econ - business, national economy, and their role in government and business. Now I have been asked to turn it all over to another teacher and let her teach it.

It's been hard enough knowing a sub has been in my classroom and is not teaching the things I left for her. To give an entire class over and watch someone else teach it.... hard. And yes, there's some jealousy there. I am afraid of being replaced. I had a comfortable position as being the only person certified to teach Econ - now I'm not. I had been the only Social Studies teacher in 7th grade that was requested by parents... I'm afraid of losing my "star" position, as it were. Because the woman taking my room, and taking my Econ class - she's good. That's the trouble - I admire her style, I respect her knowledge. Which makes this situation even worse.

So although I wanted to go part time, I feel like I'm losing a lot. I won't be "in the loop"... I won't even have a desk, from what I understand! And is it worth it, to stay at home with Roman? To be flat out honest, I don't know. It probably is great for his development, so I'll have to keep reminding myself of that. I never thought I'd be the kind of person to feel the tug between work and child-rearing. I think I'm going to be torn for quite a while.