Well. I'm going to attempt to make some sense here and get all this awful muck that has been building up inside of me out. So bear with me.

I am bad at relationships. All of them. Even the ones that I know are not going anywhere, such as my marriage, and the ones that have to choice but to exist, such as my family. There are very few people in my life with whom I have relationships that are 100% trouble free a majority of the time. And some of those are great relationships because I'm just not as close with those people. You have to be close for there to be friction. I could count my drama-free, very close relationships on one hand. And it might not take all 5 fingers.

So I guess then, the question is why? Is this a problem unique to me? I doubt that, but at the same time I know people who seem never to have problems in any of their relationships. So sometimes I wonder what exactly it is about me that causes so much drama to ensue. When I was younger I was convinced that it was just because nobody understood me. They didn't get me to use a horribly cliche term. And while there is still a little part of me that probably believes this to be true, I know there is more too it than that. I'm older. The "outsider" excuse is not really working so well anymore.

So what then? Is it simply that I choose the wrong people/friends or is it something in me creating this? Maybe a combination of the both? I guess in some circumstances, people's personalities just clash. Or even if there is no actual clash, perhaps just something that doesn't mesh. Even when you try.

to be continued.....