So I ermerge from my hole to sing a note to say hello.

Hi.
I'm Lo.
High.
Are you low?

I've had a fun time with friends though I must admit I'm a tad sick of Lil.

I went to the school on Friday since 1) I did not want to wake up on Thursday and 2) They had a half day anyway.

It was fun. The first four periods I mostly spent in the library flipping through magazines and looking at photography books. I visited Ms. Wills, I stopped by Kacey's resource room and said hi to Mrs. P and Mrs. McNic. They were all "Lalala! Oh my goodness! Lalalala! I'm so glad to see you!" And I was just grinning at Kacey and checking out the new crew of kids in there. I used to run that room back in my sophmore year. I was on top of the teacher, not her on top of me.

Ms. Wills was cool. Chatted lightly with her, hung around, remembered the old spot where I always sat. I remember looking out that window forever at the fields on the hill, the new-ish photo-place/bank, the telephone wires, the poles, the passing cars, the ocassional deer, the A&W sign. I watched a whole season pass before that window from fall, to winter, to spring, to summer. Whenever I wasn't taking notes or passing notes with Mo my eyes were fixed out that window, probably looking a thousand miles away to anyone that were to look at me. I remember trying to sketch the scene before my eyes so many times. Never quite got it.

I forgot how loud schools are, how long the periods are, how absoloutly unnecessary and inefficent it all feels. I felt like I was back again after homeschooling, things just felt alien, foreign, senseless. I forgot how teeth grindingly packed and manic the hallways are when everyone is jostling on to the next class, how you want to punch the people that stop in the middle of the hall, how ill-configured the architexture of the school is. I avoid this hallways between the changing times. I made the mistake of straying in them once and didn't do it again. I don't know how I survived those hallways. I must have had to surpress my autistic side to the maximum level because being back in them made me want to scream.

I've even re-sensatized to the lunch room. It was just so loud! Sound seemed to bounce off the walls. The blinding white of the walls, the cheap plastic tables, the metal chairs are crammed together so tightly and everywhere voices and people eating only mildly varying lunch. "Would you like The Shit or The Shitter? Or would you like to put in some effort and make your lunch at home?" "I'll take The Shit, thank you." Actually I took none. People asked me if I wanted to eat. I looked at their trays and thought "No thank you, that reminds too much of college food but just a tad bit crappier and unidentifiable."

I sat with Hayley and her guy friends during the 5th period lunch. They were funny. I can't even describe it. They were just great. Kacey sat at the same table so I goofed around with her too.

6th period lunch I was surprised at how many people I saw. I saw Laney and Daisy and Julie and Neko*whore* and a bunch of my friend Rick's peeps and....*drum roll*...I saw Mo. He was sitting sort of near the cool people like he has for four years but he looked sort of out of place, hunched over, picking at his food, trying to eat, trying to disappear almost. He was wearing a brown shirt with a tan ECKO felt applicay design on the front.
For a second my stomach jumped to my throat, my heart pounded, my knees got shakey. Okay, well definitely longer than a second. In my head I was like 'What the fuck is wrong with me? I thought this only happened around John? Mo was never "knees weak" quality.'
None the less I approached him, leaned back on the table, boots crossed at the ankle, palms of my hands propping up my straight arms.
"Hey."
"Oh hey."
Both of our voices were low and soft but with just enough to sound upbeat. His voice was almost on the verge of shame, tentive. But his face is smiling in the smallest way.
We asked the usual questions,
How's college?
Good. How's school?
Busy. Anything fun happen?
Lots. Anything going on here?
No.
Oh. Did you get my letter, my e-mail?
Yeah.
Why'd you never respond?
Been busy. I haven't been on the computer since the summer.
Oh.
We bantered like that inbetween his extremely loud friend Mike at another table yelling "Lo! Mo's mine you know! He's mine!" "Don't worry Mike, I won't take your man." "Loey, Mo's mine!" "I know, Mike."
For a minute I left and Mo went to his locker. He came back and I saw him sit down with his AP Biology text book. I took a candy cane from my purse that I had been passing out all day and snuck up behind him to drop it on his book. I scooted out to the hallway to escape.
He comes out in the hall way, looks right, looks left, sees me, does that weird grin and I do that weird face I have when I know I'm caught but glad to be. He strides over in his slow lumber while I lean against the wall waiting.
"Thanks for the sugar."
I smile. "You're welcome." We stand awkwardly. We both feel it's an ending moment because we really don't have anything more to say, do we?
"Well I better get going."
"Yeah, me too."
Stand.
"Wait, come here, I want a hug."
He smiles. I hug him though there is a slight lack of return on his part. Maybe he was just scared or something, still shocked by the whole experience of seeing me.
"I miss you" I finally admit.
Don't remember it after then.

7th period lunch I hung out with Stuey. She's always got that weird voice like everything is really serious, almost the way that Sara talks except Sara's is scared/ashamed like and Stuart's is just depressed. Drives me nuts but whatever. Stu and I chatted lightly. She grred over Neko, finally believes me when I tell her that Neko and Hayley are dating, that no, Neko is not hung up on her and that he truly is a man-whore. She finally gets it. She confounds me sometimes. The world does not revolve around Stu and she has trouble seeing reality sometimes. But what does she care for Neko? She has Brandon in Canada.
Brandon. Ugh. I hate talking about him around Stuart now just because there have been some very Awkward Turtle moments with that guy. I was kind of crushing on him this semester. I gave my brain a good smack and pretty much cut it out but it is still odd to me. Brandon and I talk through Gaia where he and Stu met so lately I've been getting on there less and am trying to pull away from it and him more. He's charming me and the last thing I want is to fall for my friend's boyfriend. But lately his PMs have been like "How comes you don't message me anymore." Like I'm going to tell him why. Fuck no.
But yeah, it was mega awkward turtle when somehow Stu and I got on the topic of Brandon and then me and how I'm "ka-bam" and then Erotic Ball and then she says "Yeah, Brandon has told me that he thinks you're sexy." I think I internally exploded, not in the screaming way but in the "OMG, fucking awkward!" way. "But of course it means nothing cause he has me" she finished. Fuck no it better not mean anything. That is a mess I want no part of.
But she doesn't realize that I was talking to him and her the other day and then I told him "THREESOM!" "I like it." "But you're a one woman man." "Maybe I'd make an exception for you." He says he is joking but he has no idea how many times he has made my jaw drop and then his next PM confirm that he is joking. I guess it's just general guy perversion but gawd...
Ugh.

Anyhoo besides the Brandon thing some guy started choking during that lunch period and we all to leave while they got him help. Stu and I stood in the hallway and she grred at Neko as he passed through, definitely skipping class. I think she wanted to hang him up by his underwear from a telephone pole.

Btween 8th period I saw Mo and told him to give Piyali a candy cane since she's in his AP Bio class.
I was going to spend that period with Hayley in her Chemistry class with Ms. Wills but then I decided I didn't care for re-learning about moles.
I went back to the library and thumbed through more books.
I left early and waited outside the AP Bio classroom for Piyali to get out.
Mo left early for a math test but I told him to call me. I don't think he will. If he does I think I might shit myself.

9th period I wandered the halls with Hayley, dropping off candy canes to teachers that I hadn't seen yet like Mr. T and Mrs. Potter(who was one of the best teachers that I saw. Thanks go to Kacey for reminding to see her). I had a nice talk with Mrs. Potter. She is one of the coolest math teachers to ever exist.
Stu gave me and Hayley rides home. I think it was odd for both of us.

I got home and felt weird over the Mo thing for a while. I was thankful when Kacey came over and made me laugh my butt off and be happy. Kacey and I now plan on writing a book about all of our goofy adventures and then saving it somewhere like in a time capsul or in an attic or somewhere.
It still redicilous how we missed each other and never said anything. There are no questions with her, just plain up frontness that I have with no one else.

After Kacey left Lil and Hayley came up. We've hung out for most of the weekend playing Guitar Hero(I suck) and being goofs. Hayley left yesterday since she had work.
I had to meet my supervisor for my internship in town and then walked to Lil's house. I saw John briefly, gave him a hug. He actually extracted himself off the computer to say hi for a minute before he had a band gig. I'm glad the encounter was short. I am soooooooooooooooooooooooo NOT in to him at all any more. He's too much of a loser face now.
Lil stayed the night at my house again. Mom tried to hook her up with Jimmy (Uh, haha, no, that's won't work) and we played more games and ranted.

She just went home like an hour or so ago (It's now 6:13).

I'm thankful for the peace finally. I haven't had any since I've been home yet so it will be nice just to chill with myself. I want a nice bit a long sleep.

Anyhoo I'm going to roll. I feel like I've written enough and that I've written pretty well. Maybe because I'm being so dead honest. Kind of a relief but at the same time draining.

Peace.
~Lo