I need to work out more often. It makes me feel so good.
I've gotten to that stage in self-defense now where not thinking about it means you get it right. You just kind of do it and see where it takes you, remind your muscles of the minor corrections and try it.

It makes me feel good too. I had a pressure headache and it went away completely during class (though now it seems to want to return).

However class was a bit um...strange. The first class it was just one other girl and I, two instructors. We did a lot of rolling, falling, etc. I apparently have frog falls down. Frog falls are something you would never actually use in real life but are a trainer for your muscles. You start from squatting and then throw your forearms straight down to the ground and kick out behind you so that you end up in a plank with your legs spread. The only body parts touching the ground are your forearms, hands(palm down) and toes. I can do these quite consistently now. I can't find a youtube video of it otherwise I would show you. I finally got them in this half of the semester (though my first few times I almost got there really REALLY hurt) and it feels pretty good. Every time I see the mat now my abs know it's time to tighten up. My rolls and falls in general have improved a lot. I think I have found a type of fitness that really works for me.

Anyway, my partner in the first class is just...awkward. Really giggly freshman girl who is on the shorter heavier side and seems to have trouble controlling her limbs...at least tonight anyway. We were reviewing wrist grabs, shoulder grabs, hair, a choke and sweeps. The girl managed to bonk my nose (she hit the squashed part of my nose but on anyone else it would have hurt), have her fingers in my face while sweeping me back (apparently my expression was priceless), smack my across my right cheek, nearly palm strike my boob(had I been PMSing...man...no...), accidentally hit a rib, and do a sweep across my boobs that was supposed to be my shoulders. It was just awkward central. I ended up just laughing most of it off. Strange things happen when you work with someone that is a giggly face....like I can never see this chick trying to play poker. I pretty much accepted that she had lost control of her limbs and was patient with her. I think I got points for being the attacker because it was just...I can't even explain it.

Oh, a really funny moment was when we went to do wrist grabs we both went to be "the attacker" and ended up shaking hands. The instructor was dying of laughter. It was just classic.

I think I ended up taking out some of my aggression in the next class. I was in a hyper focused sort of mode that the class gets me in to now. It tends to channel more power in to my limbs as well. I was used as the sort of test-dummy for the night, which I didn't mind because my instructor has been doing it for um...thirty years or something. Doing the sets of rolls and all was a bit tiring but by the end of class I'm still ready for more.

I think the martial arts is something I will want to take up. The karate class was going on at the same time though and looking through their doors they were doing things we had already done a while ago and without the power we've been trained to have in it. Self defense is more....real. You have to commit. Even though some of the methods my instructor teachers are not the most practical he is training us for reactions, so we can have something to do. We're steadily moving in to a faster pace as well. It kind of kills me to know that I only have a few classes left before the end of the semester and that I have to restart with the basics again next semester. I feel committed to it now. The pains from class are worth it for the satisfied feeling in my body as having done something, in slipping in to that mode where I am just muscle and body essentially, where you have to let go of outside thoughts and just be your body. The freedom is liberating and it leaves my mind in a calm state as well. It's good because it is energizing and tiring and requires just as much focus as a regular class but makes it easier to pay attention because the body is engaged.

I'll never been super athletic and I feel it and know it in my legs when I go to attempt kicks. But it allows me that power, that knowledge that I can do something, that I don't have to fear, that I can accomplish more things with my body than I thought I could, than my mind has been conditioned to think it could. I know my limits still but at the same time I realize they are not so small as I thought....and that is liberating.

I know hearing about this stuff makes my mom fear but it's worth it and it's something I have always dreamed of doing since I was younger. I love horses but that is more as companionship. I love dancing but that is expression. I love the combat arts and it is empowering and allows me to finally get the logistics of the fight scenes in my head as I do them in body. I'm a fighter and a healer. It's nice to get to know my strong side outside of my mind.

Peace.
~Lo