Honest to blog, I am alive.

I feel saner since I have been home for the past week. It feels like a world of difference. I am free from the stress that school brought me and have been able to breathe.

I already got to see some friends this past week too. It was my high school buds and even though I go to college with one of them we hung out in different circles and were busy. We played frissbee and ended up with the discs over the neighbor's fences about ten times at least. I have bruises on my legs from my bad frizzbee catching skillz. One friend brought half a mini grill and we made smores in the backyard and had marshmellow mouths as the bugs bit us. It was really nice to see them.

I told my Marine friend to come another time. I was initially excited about it and then I was like "Um...not sure I really want to meet another e-guy yet..." It would just be awkward as I would not know what to do with him. I used to have romantic interest in him but then found out he was a total dud and I just don't want to play the "entertainer" or deal with awkwardness. We have been casual e-friends for two years but I am still not in a huge rush to see him. Kacey keeps saying him and I will get together someday and I just give her this look like "You are kidding me..." To quote The Empty Hats Celtic folk band "If it's a rose it will bloom." That rose ain't bloomin' that I can see.

My family is also off for the weekend to celebrate my cousin having her last kemo treatment. In the fall she was diagnosed with lymphoma after finding a lump near her collar bone. It freaked me out because she is only five months older than me. Thankfully lymphoma has a high cure rate and my cousin can say she is good for a while. It should be a good weekend provided it stays clear of too much family drama (big family, drama happens). I am looking forward to it though I still have to pack tonight.

My room is moving toward being completely unpacked. It is really disorderly still but I am going to whip in to shape on Monday. This has been my Supa Lazy Week and it ends Monday. I am going to hop on my summer goals and get in to a routine.
Some goals
a) read lots of books that I heard about this year
b) start driving/get my permit (I know, I'm finally doing it, right?!)
c) try my hand at cooking
d) continue playing piano and getting better at reading music
e) get back in to crocheting so I can be like the cool knitters and crocheters at college
f) build my body strength and start walking everyday again
g) start creative writing everyday again
h) start drawing more again, working on hair, clothing and trying to do proportions better, etc but still keeping my sketchy style
i) write letters to friends
j) live greener
k) see friends more
Um...that is all I have for now but it may get longer. I feel like they are good goals. I need projects to do.

Kacey and I have hung out. It was good to reconnect with her. She has matured. She will be a senior in high school this fall and that is almost a strange thought for me. She's always been my little neighbor, you know? She's practically my sister. So next year spring should be super weird for me. I will be completely emersed in adulthood...I'll be a rising senior in college, able to drink alcohol legally, my Kacey will be graduating, etc. But that is still a year from now.

So addressing pop culture: omgz American Idol. My parents watch it, not I. I am not really a fan of either of them but my mom was hard core Adam Lambert. He shouldn't have been on the show in my opinion. Not because he was too good but because look at what happened to David Cook and Chris Daughtry: they sound like shit now. Way too canned. I feel like they are holding back the rawness that makes them rock, that makes a song hit your soul and rattle your diaphragm and want to bellow along with it. I mean that's what rock is, it's raw. I mean some sounds pretty but look at the lead singer of Shinedown: amazing farking vocalist but has that edge so you know it isn't canned. He just sings awesome anyway. Audience or not, no matter the size of the crowd he will rip.
I feel like American Idol takes some of that away. I mean Kelly Clarkson kept her thing and Carrie Underwood but that is why they have gone on to be successful. They kept themselves and not the show.
I was surprised at Jason Mraz appearance but then the American Idol finale is on level with the Super Bowl in some ways. You show up, they pay you $,$$$,$$$ and you sing like hell. I was really annoyed with the fact that the people singing with Jason Mraz could not like...harmonize at all. It sounded BAAAAD. Mraz is an amazing vocalist and his duets are like...brain blowing in their perfection but I felt kind of bad for him on American Idol.
Eh. Whatevs.
I have been in to Matisyahu and Incubus lately myself. Love Hurts by Incubus is officially my emo-break up song of this year.

Oooooh yeah.
So.
My hair is 15 inches shorter now.
Yup. The golden locks are mostly gone.
AND BOY AM I GLAD!!!
I have been wanting to cut it at least since spring break.
I had it cut on Monday. The hair dresser did a pony tail on each side of my head, cut and after a little layering that was my haircut right there. It is roughly ear length.
I didn't quite plan on the 15 inches but it is going to Locks of Love. I love having it short again. I showed Mo on webcam (yeah, we are lame, live in the same town and webcaming) and he kept being like "Ahhh! It's so cute!" I just kept sort of blinking like "Will you be okay?"
I REALLY like my hair though. I feel cuter and older and sexier....and showering is awesome. Less shampoo, the water gets to my head faster, quicker shower. Oh my head is lighter too and I can't get dread locks anymore.
Cutting my hair short was a great decision and I wonder why I waited so long now. I farking LOVE it.

Uh...hm...what else.
Well emotionally I feel a lot better.
I am glad to be single. I went through a lot of anger and sadness the last two weeks (like a LOT) but I feel good now. In a way I miss the friendship a little but that is just part of the recovery process. There is absoloutly no way I can turn back to that after what happened. I am able to find the happy memories but all the same my heart warns me strongly and I take heed. It was definitely something to learn from.
Now I am just being and I like it. I feel alright.

So that's the news for now.
Peace.
~Lo

Moosac!

Gravity a BEAUTIFUL song by Sara Bareilles!



Um....so Matisyahu is like...the coolest Jewish-Reggae band EVAER!

My Emo-Break Up Song also known as Love Hurts by Incubus.



Fo shizzle. Dr. Evil rockz.



More Matis.