I had a decent weekend, filled with both joy and pain, fun and not-fun, but am learning that these dichotomies are what make life worth living. Did some soul searching and decided that maybe I don't have a soul worth searching. I'm losing my place in the book of my life, and don't know what direction I'm headed in.

I went to a show with my wife on Friday night and it was enjoyable, save a couple of the bands that played. As I never experienced the underground/indie/local music scene before, it's quite a learning experience. I think it's something that I could really enjoy, if given a chance. Drank a few beers, but am fast becoming bored with this... I'm tired of the after effects, and have enough depressives in my life without needing to add to it (usually at the worst possible moments). Had a good breakdown early Saturday morning and tried to reconcile myself with my future. I concluded that I need to start being nicer, start being more attentive to others, and stop being so damn closed-off from the rest of the world. If my world is gonna collapse around me, it would be nice to be able to have others to commiserate/relate with me. I've got burdens to bear, as we all do, but can't bear them all alone, or rely on only one person to help me. I miss the community of my friends in high school, in the dorms in college. As I have grown older, I've grown more alone it seems. Part of it is the reluctance to talk about feelings or personal stuff "outside the family," but without personal info, how can personal bonds be formed?

I slept most of the morning and early afternoon on Saturday, and then went out and bought various items for my sweetheart for Valentine's Day. I came home and wrote many (many) little poems to go along with each item. I thought it might be nice for her to find these tokens of my love throughout Valentine's Day, so I craftily snuck (is that a word?) around and hid them in places I knew she would find them.

Sunday, we went to the mall and ate at a diner on Scenic Highway- terribly bad-for-you food that is terribly yummy. We watched the Grammys that night, saw some decent performances (and some crap-Tim McGraw, I'm talking to you and your sentimental pap), and then drifted off to sleep. Another week begins. No telling where the journey ends. But we do have a trip to South Florida at the end of the week to visit my in-laws, and I am looking forward to a brief escape.