I am surprised that other people actually read these posts and am really suprised at some of the people who have made comments, but the words of encouragement are, well, encouraging, and much appreciated... It's not over yet, and there is still a glimmer of hope, but I know I have to steel myself for the worst while I hope for the best.

Thanks for your comments. I don't want to post too much info because it's not over yet, and I definitely don't want to alienate anyone any more than I already may have.

I will survive, I know it will get better, one way or the other, and life will go on. Until then, I will try and enjoy the contact I have renewed with old friends and hopefully make some new ones along the way. And I will get through this as best as I know how. It's been therapeutic talking with my parents the past few days, after their initial "mom and dad" advice and remarks. It's been good to learn that, though I don't have a lot of friends, the ones I have are so supportive and have made themselves available to me any time I need anything. I just need to do what I can to keep going until resolution is achieved, one way or the other.

And I am finding at least one good thing each day- today, I made it to work, and only cried for a couple of minutes at home, which is such an improvement over the past few days. I have never been so low, even after seeing my grandfather keel over dead on the back porch of our house when I was in 5th grade, and wondered if I would make it to the other side. But I've seen a few rays of sunshine through the storm clouds and am realizing that I will be a better man for surviving this, no matter the outcome.

I also got to really laugh a couple of times at the stories the retired Marine colonel told in the office today. And I'm tired, so I know I will get a bit of rest tonight, something that has been lacking the past few days.

So thanks again for your support and comments. And keep the prayers/positive energy coming.