Products I learned about while watching way too many hours of TV on the Court TV channel yesterday:
1. Hair dryer stand, so that you can keep both hands free while drying your hair. The numerous, continuous adjustments you would need to make to obtain any degree of effectiveness out of this device would seem to negate its usefulness. But what do I know? Ron Popeil has made a fortune many times over with the Popeil Pocket Fisherman, the Dial-O-Matic food slicer and the Food Dehydrator and Beef Jerky Maker.

2. Swedish Tempur-Pedic Mattress, made out of memory foam certified by Nasa. I don't think I'd want to put Nasa and foam in the same sentence and expect that to sell products for me. And why is it a Swedish sleep system? Do they have a lock on the memory foam market? Or does this just conjure up images of blondes in bed with you?

3. Body Minerals make-up. The odd thing about this ad was that the price of the products was never mentioned. I suppose if you have to ask you just can't afford it.

4. Some diet supplement that promises it's 546% more effective than ephedra. Once again, probably not a good idea to compare your product to one that the FDA just banned. Does this mean it's also 546% more lethal than ephedra?

5. Several local car dealerships, one of which had the audacity to use one of the owner's children in the commercial. You know you've strayed into very late night TV when local businesses can afford to advertise.

6. Electrosol dishwasher detergent, samples of which will be distributed in your Sunday paper. A hand comes crashing through the newspaper to deliver the sample, which might be a bit off-putting to the average consumer.

7. Enzyte, "natural male enhancement". Rather amusing commercials in which the words large, big and generous are prominent. Bob, the recipient of the Enzyte, also receives some "well earned respect from the neighborhood" after he loses his trunks while swimming. In another setting, Bob is on a date at a bowling alley and he is described as feeling a sense of uplift.

8. Space bags, which require that you use your vacuum to suck the air out of your bulky possessions. Sort of liposuction for your sweaters. So here's my question - you use one of these things to pack your clothing for travel, get to your destination, unpack your stuff, which poofs up to its pre-suction volume - how do you get the stuff back into your suitcase again? Most hotels that I stay in provide an iron and maybe a hairdryer, but I've never seen a vacuum in any of them.

Dreams: After my nasty diatribe about resolutions, I was plagued with hideous dreams. The first part included my attendance at an annual business reward meeting which usually occurs in some exotic location (I attended one a few years back that was in Istanbul). As I got off the plane, I commented that the flight hadn't taken nearly the amount of time it took to get to Turkey, although this location was close to that country. We were shuffled into a room that we would use for dinners and meetings, although it had not been set up yet - the tables weren't covered with tablecloths and boxes of supplies had not been unpacked. I realized at that point that I didn't know where my room was and had apparently not brought any luggage with me (at least I was spared the Space Bag quandry).

The dream spanned an awakening and continued after I fell back to sleep. I was at a dinner, sort of a barbeque, at this company gathering. While waiting in line for food I saw that one of the dishes was a bird that looked like an ostrich that had been cooked whole. One of the birds that was being cooked was still alive and looked at me pleadingly. The meat that was falling off of it looked like salmon and I thought at that moment I understand why people become vegetarians. After I left the food line, thoroughly repulsed by what I saw, I could not find a place to sit - all the seats had already been taken. Just as well, I suppose, since I was certainly not going to eat any of the prepared food.