So where the hell have I been? Hmmmm....

1. THE LAND OF THE MUCOUS WAS UNFORGIVING: When last we spoke, I thought I was getting well. Hah! Two more rounds of antibiotics later, I THINK I'm now disease free. The ENT has suggested a head and lung transplant. Not sure of her credentials.

2. QUEER GUYS CAN ONLY DO ONE CREATIVE THING AT A TIME: I've been up to my nipples in Chicago Gay Men's Chorus rehearsals, costume selection forays to Kohl's, extra naps to make up for the 7 hour long rehearsals, hours in the living room with the Walkman getting my choreography down pat ("Crap! Was that box step, step turn, hand clap, butt slap....or step turn, box step, butt slap, hand clap?"). And as much as I love you all...none of you seem to have the potential for being my future husband.

3. POST-41st BIRTHDAY DEPRESSION: Practice saying these two phrases out loud: "I'm forty," and "I'm in my 40's." Notice how when you say the latter, your right hip and big toes begin to ache with pre-arthritis? Nuff said.

4. A MONTH LONG POUT THAT MY HOME STATE IS TURNING INTO A THEOCRACY AND NOBODY SENT ME AN INVITATION TO THE INQUISITION: Constitutional amendments that will insure I will never live there again, an invitation by the governor to all gay former soldiers to get the hell out of the state, the elevation of the dark princess of the intellectual far right [why must she be named after one of my favorite women in the Bible?] to a life-time appointment...and all I got was this t-shirt with "Pariah" written on the front.

5. CELEBRATING THE THREE MONTH ANNIVERSARY OF MY BREAK UP WITH THE BEAUTIFUL BASTARD: I've discovered that the half-life of broken-hearted depression is approximately twice the length of time the relationship itself lasted.

6. I CAN'T BE CREATIVE WHEN THE SWEAT IS POOLING IN MY NAVEL: It's been not warm, but Houston-level hot up here for the past few weeks and the window unit in my office is clearly staging a partial work stoppage in protest. And right now, living in the manse is like living simultaneously in Toronto in Spring (first floor) and Calcutta in Summer (second floor). If the humidity were a bit higher, I'd expect a hurricane in the stairwell.

7. I'M SEEING SOMEONE NEW: Yeah, right...myself in the mirror every morning getting greyer. (Do they make colorant for chest hair?)

8. I'M HIDING IN SHAME: I haven't seen a single episode of "Desperate Housewives" from start to finish. I hear that Sir Elton and Carson Kressley are planning an intervention and I'm not sure I have the strength to face them.

9. I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN SWIII AND I'M AFRAID MATTHEW WON'T LIKE ME ANYMORE: I haven't seen any movie other than our church's regular monthly showing ("Finding Neverland") in the last 3 months.

10. SHEER WITLESS EXHAUSTION: Pastoral Care fatigue coupled with nagging illness, matched with an over-committed life, with a soupcon of loneliness, equals no room for creativity other than hopelessly maudlin journal entries you DID NOT want to read. The one about the church garden getting more loving care than me just about makes me want to puke and I wrote it!

BUT, FEAR NOT, fair friends...
The shadows have lifted...the sweat still drips, but is but an inconvenience...the new days dawn....I have two dates already lined up for the next few weeks...and the Chorus show is but a fond, joy-filled memory (except for having to appear on stage in a bathing suit (and two shirts and a towel, thank goodness))...and I'M BACK!