As a journalist, I feel it's my duty to notify you of these gifts to beware of the Holiday season. While they may seem funny or practical, Consumer Reports and other organizations urge potential buyers to refrain from these items.*
*not true

So without further ado, here are some seemingly innocuous items to steer clear of this Holiday season:

"I can't Believe it's not Insulin"
Studies show that while the lay-person may not be able to differentiate, diabetics can. To make matters worse, doctors are perturbed by their catchy slogan "Drop blood-sugar levels down the chimney this year with 'I can't Believe it's not Insulin.'"

"Abu Musab al-Zarqawi Sings the Christmas Classics, Volume II"
For the second straight year, the Jordanian terrorist has taken time off from his jihad to record an album. Don't be fooled by al-Quaeda in Iraq's big advertising campaign, you do not want your kids getting their hands on this. Contains subliminal messages. Ex: In "O Holy Night," al-Zarqawi subtly changes "round yon virgin, mother and child" to "round yon white devil, suicide bombers and IEDs." It's just slight enough not to notice; that's why Mothers Against Jordanian Terrorists (MAJT) is campaigning hard against this one.

"Trojan Brand Baby Sealskin condoms"
These babies fall along the lines of sheepskin condoms, but "environmentalists" are up in arms about them.

"The Best of Richard Jewell's Home Video Collection, for Kids"
Although no evidence of any involvement by Jewell in the 1996 Atlanta Games bombings was found, his porn stash was. Several pro-family groups are protesting the "G" rating this DVD carries.

"The Michael Brown Home Preparedness Kit"
Authorities encourage families to have disaster plans, but say this package should not be a part of them.

"The 'Immaculate Conception' Diaphragm"
"This never should have gotten on the market," said FDA spokeswoman Sarah Gallmeyer.

Allright, that's enough for now. Go on spread missions to bring more readers.