You know what's a great game? Paperboy. I recently downloaded it from XBOX live for the 360. It has since been the topic of several conversations between some of my friends and I.

First off, the premise. Your job is to deliver papers on a bicycle. If you crash your bike three times, however, your employer fires you. What the hell is that? How does crashing your bike - especially when cars are actively trying to run you over for entertainment - earn your dismissal from the job when you're still getting people their papers on time? If anything, you should be eligible for worker's comp. But no, instead you get fired.

Not that anyone in their right mind would want the job - if you do get fired, you're rewarded with a front page dedicated entirely to your dismissal. "Worst ever, irate customers claim." Fuck you, customers. I delivered that fucking paper, navigating your god-damned cats and dogs, avoiding people break-dancing on the sidewalk and starting spontaneous fights, steering clear of your jerk kid playing with his remote control car, and you have the audacity to complain about it?

I mean, take a look in the mirror. So I threw your paper and it landed two feet away from your mailbox. Did you walk your fat ass over to it, happy to have received your paper in a timely fashion? No, you called and cancelled. You're a dick.

And further, what kind of customer even wanted that paper? They subscribed and cancelled based solely on whether or not their paper was delivered exactly where they wanted it to be. Why? So they could read all about how their delivery boy sucked (who, incidentally, only covers a 20-house street)? Fuck you, Daily Sun, don't your reporters have anything better to do than to cover my every move? Any people actually read about it? Jerks.

Not to mention, you'd have to be the laziest person in the world to subscribe. For some reason there are stacks of the Daily Sun just sitting out in the street awaiting someone to pick them up. Why not just go to the street curb and get those freebies rather than spend your money on delivery? Because you suck.

And again, fuck the company - they can't even give their delivery boy enough papers to meet his customer demand, he has to find them as he goes. Speaking of the company, where the hell does it come up with the capital to produce a paper that's only getting delivered to 10 people max? I assume people in other areas don't care about how good of a job a kid delivery boy is doing on Easy Street.

The non-subscribers are even worse than the subscribers. Their homes often have cemeteries in the front yard (isn't that some kind of zoning violation in a suburban area or something?) At least the paperboy can have fun by breaking their windows and knocking over gravestones.

Ah, but at least there are those people who camp out at the obstacle course. These people have nothing better to do than to wait for a paperboy to navigate the course, wasting papers left and right as he chucks them at big targets someone for some reason put up. Thank you for your support. Because of you, I am truly proud to be called "Paperboy."